And So It Is

“As it is, we are merely bolting our lives—gulping down undigested experiences as fast as we can stuff them in—because awareness of our own existence is so superficial and so narrow that nothing seems to us more boring than simple being.  If I ask you what you did, saw, heard, smelled, touched and tasted yesterday, I am likely to get nothing more than the thin, sketchy outline of the few things that you noticed, and of those only what you thought worth remembering. Is it surprising that an existence so experienced seems so empty and bare that its hunger for an infinite future is insatiable? But suppose you could answer, “It would take me forever to tell you, and I am much too interested in what’s happening now.” How is it possible that a being with such sensitive jewels as the eyes, such enchanted musical instruments as the ears, and such a fabulous arabesque of nerves as the brain can experience itself as anything less than a god? And, when you consider that this incalculably subtle organism is inseparable from the still more marvelous patterns of its environment—from the minutest electrical designs to the whole company of the galaxies—how is it conceivable that this incarnation of all eternity can be bored with being?”

~ Alan Watts, The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

I don't know if I need to say anymore, Alan Watts pretty much said it all for me. We are here, we are alive and we are not alive. 

How many of us are dead before dying? How many of us are sleep walking. Where is our reality? Where is our humanity? If we are so human, than why is it so hard to remember to breathe deeply. Love deeply. Laugh deeply.

I want to live fully. I want to know fully. And be fully. 

This is not easy, yet it is at the same time the easiest way to be. 
Alan Watts says that we are gods. I like to think of myself as a goddess. Is that egotistical and vain? Maybe. 
I never said I was perfect.
And I would like to ask, what does it mean just to be? Does that mean you can't do anything or say anything? Or is it just being aware of what you are in every moment?
I'm drinking coffee right now, I should probably be more aware of how good it tastes. And how much I love writing these words, I should notice it more.
I should notice the way the sun cascades through the trees in the morning light. Is to be, an appreciation of everything?
Maybe it is. Maybe to be, really means to be thankful for each moment. I can hear the refrigerator starting: thank you universe for the abundance of food. I have to get ready for work, thank you for the running water to take a shower and beautiful clothes I have to choose from.
Thank you.
I have these wonderful gadgets, this iPhone and Mac Air computer. On a base level I have a place to live and nothing to worry about. 
Well sort of, I'm worried about stuff. But not like survival stuff. Life stuff. How do I turn that around into a thankful situation?
Like I'm worried I won't lose weight. Perhaps I should be thankful that I have a lovely body with all the limbs in place. I'm worried I might not get enough classes to teach next semester. I am thankful for the opportunity to spread my wisdom and knowledge. 
Perhaps I should smile more. Perhaps I should be thankful that I have a place to express such thoughts and someone is reading.
Thank you for reading.
nina