Happy Halloween!

I remember when I was like eleven I played a “rich woman” for Halloween. I stole my mom’s rabbit fur coat from her closet and wore it with some fake diamonds. All the mothers at school who volunteered for the Halloween party LOVED my costume. I thought I was the shit. Then the fake diamond ring that I was wearing made my finger blue and would not come off. I had to go to the Emergency room and they cut off the ring. Apparently I wasn’t the first person to do such a thing.After Halloween was the best time, time to eat chocolate. I would organize the candy according to type. That is phenomenal since I never organized anything in my room or in my life. My trapper keeper was a mess and so was my closet. But the candy, it was stacked in rows of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Milky Ways, Butter Fingers, Etc. Etc.Anything that wasn’t chocolate was OK. I mean some people gave chips, and chips are pretty good with chocolate. But except for Jolly Ranchers, the hard candy was kind of a bust.Until I was in fourth grade, my parents would buy me Halloween costumes from K-mart. The kind with the plastic mask and the plastic clothes. It was truly embarrassing when some people had hand-sewn costumes. My mother was a doctor though, not a seamstress! She was a doctor who shopped at Kmart.When I went to Columbia University in New York, I had the best costume in town. I was Cleopatra. I wore a velvet Indian salvaar kameez, and a long thin scarf rapped around my entire body. I had a crown and my eyes were done immaculately. I carried a peacock-feathered fan with me. People thought I bought a Cleopatra costume. By the way, no one was Indian in my class that year.I wore that same costume to an Indian Halloween party and everyone was like: “What are you supposed to be, an Indian?” It was embarrassing.I naturally look like Elvira or a witch, so those two costumes I got down pretty well. I got a nose for a witch and the long black hair. I have the hair and eyes for Elvira as well.One time after college I went to a Medical Frat party and dressed up as Cat Woman. Apparently I had a little too much fun and somehow ended up in the middle of the dance floor, gyrating my hips back and forth, while these doctors examined me!Then I lost the keys to my car and almost had to walk home. There was no Uber back then.I could be an awesome vampire as well because I have fair skin and really dark hair. I should look into it.This year I’m laying low. No one I know is having a Halloween party and I’m on a diet so I can’t be giving out candy to kids. “Giving out” candy to kids means you eat half of the candy. I could eat half my weight in candy. So I’m just going to have a nice dinner with some friends this Halloween…Have a good one!