What's the Point?

I almost fell asleep driving home from Lansing, Michigan this morning. It’s an hour and a half drive. My car almost swerved a couple times, it was a little scary and highly annoying to try to stay awake while operating machinery when you are exhausted. Don’t try it at home.I stopped at McDonalds to get a coffee; I thought it might wake me up. But I also got a McGriddle breakfast sandwich. If you don’t know what that is, good for you, keep it that way. I think it was voted like the worst thing you can eat at a fast food restaurant. It’s an egg, cheese and bacon sandwich with pancakes instead of bread. It tastes pretty amazing. Was it worth the calories? Not so much.I came into work to tutor and a student told me I looked worn out and frazzled. That kind of embarrassed me. My head hurts a little and I’m still sleepy. It’s just another manic Monday. Wish it were Sunday. That’s my fun day.By the time you read this, things will have settled down and it will be Tuesday. Tuesday is a lot easier to deal with than Monday. This month of March feels like it is going slowly. So is this post. What to write about? What do you want to know?I want to be light today and not talk about something really heavy. I’m just real tired. I don’t know if this is actually a post worth publishing, we will see. Once I find a topic and something to say about it.I started reading newspapers again. I love Mitch Albom and his column in the Detroit Free Press. He is tremendously talented. Honestly, though, I don’t think his fiction is on par with his column and non-fiction. That’s just my opinion.Did you know that about forty percent of people under the age of 44, haven’t read a book all year? This is bothersome. I don’t think it’s healthy to just read crap like this on the Internet as opposed to real literature, magazines and newspapers. I used to read every column in the Detroit Free Press when I was in high school. I learned more from that than I did from school. I read books that weren’t assigned. I gave myself most of my education.I know I’m biased because I teach reading and writing, but I want to tell everyone that it is so enriching on a personal level to read. You get to live another life, in another time or place or even planet. There is something so powerful about real literature that can awaken something inside you that you never knew you had. Everything that is written on the Interwebs is a list of ways to be happy. Reading books is not that list.The best books I’ve read have made me rethink my entire life and self. I think maybe that is why I write, to think out loud. I write in order to make sense of the world. It is my way of communicating my experience, my thoughts, my feelings.This is not good enough. I say that all the time when I am writing. I don’t think this particular post is good enough. Sometimes it is hard to have something to say, something to think about.I will tell you what I was just thinking about. I was reading in Psychology Today about the fact that we as a nation are experiencing an anti-intellectual movement. People don’t want to read or necessarily know and understand what is going on in the world. Apparently 13% people still think that sun revolves around the earth. I wonder how many people think the earth is flat.I’m sorry if I don’t quite understand this movement of stupidity that is taking over. I think it starts in high school, the article said so. The good-looking jocks and the pretty cheerleaders are the popular ones in America. The smart kids are considered geeky, nerdy and dorky.I guess that trend is not true in other countries. In other places around the world, people value intelligence and the ‘popular’ people are often the most intelligent. Indians have a reputation of being ‘nerds.’ It’s only in America that Indians are nerds; there are a ton of non-nerds in India. But only the smartest people make it to the U.S.I’m sorry I want to marry a nerd real badly. Honestly, I want a guy who knows shit and can make money. I mean I guess that sounds just as superficial as if I said I want a dude who’s hot and hilarious.Still I prefer intelligence to good looks. I find men who are not objectively attractive very attractive if they have a brilliant mind. Having a beautiful mind trumps a beautiful face and body every time. I wonder if I am a real nerd. I didn’t do as well in school in math and science because I was always artsy. I don’t know if I’m smart enough to be a nerd. I’m definitely dorky and geeky enough.I don’t know, writers and artists have a different type of intelligence that cannot necessarily be measured in a standardized test. I did bad on my SAT, ACT, and GRE. But I got into Columbia University anyways.I don’t know, nowadays people are looking at Emotional Intelligence as being just as important as an IQ. EQ they call it. Emotionally, I’m not sure if I’m that fit. I got 99 problems and most of them are in my head. I’m not sure how I would do on an EQ test.I’m good at writing I guess, but I still have problems with grammar and spelling. It is embarrassing at this point. I have a Masters degree in Writing and I still don’t really understand commas. Where to pause? That is the question.I got this new computer program called Grammarly, it’s great, and I highly recommend it. It’s free for like basic stuff, for real editing you have to pay. I just need surface stuff, or so I think. I’m advertising for them and I didn’t even inform them. They are not even paying me.I was thinking about that the other day. I still haven’t figured out how to make money with my blog. I wonder sometimes why I’m writing it, why not wait till I learn how to profit from it? I can’t explain the ecstasy of writing and having an audience right away. I can’t quite articulate how deeply meaningful the written word is to me. I need this like I need air. Sometimes I can’t breathe when I don’t write.I keep hoping one day a post will go viral and the whole thing will be a cultural phenomena. I know: it’s like winning the lottery. But it could happen. There are other ways to make money on blogs, but it takes money to take those courses. I will. In due time.I’m going to tell you how stupid I am. You want to know how stupid I am? I will tell you so you don’t ever think you are too stupid to be alive. Apparently it’s good to be stupid in this country anyways. I spent 500 dollars on a PayPal credit card, on an ‘inspirational’ online course that was supposed to make all my dreams come true. I didn’t follow the course. In fact, I got tired of it in two days.The thing is, I think it actually works for some people. So why would I pay that much money and then not even use it? Well, the thing I think that turned me off was that it was talking about manifesting things, like money and success. I don’t believe you should try to manifest superficial things. I think love and happiness and enlightenment are what you want to manifest, at least that is what I want.Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate money. I want money. Lots and lots of money. But I want to get it my way. I don’t know what that way is yet exactly. But I have always believed I would be rich one day. It is something I feel like I know.I have no business thinking I will become rich. I’m a professor and a writer and I have bad credit. None of these things points to money or fame. Yet I think I will have both eventually. The fame I’m not too worried about, the money is what I need.Well, that’s all folks.Thanks for taking this ride with me. I hope I didn’t put you to sleep.nina