And it was all yellow...

 For Jeanette, this is her mother's story. And it was all yellow…  I think of yellow sometimesI hated it until I thought of daisies and bananas.And the sun dipped yellow carnations on her casket,And her eyes before she died. They say it was Mamma’s liverI say no one understands he betrayed her.I say we drink dirty martinis on a Wednesday,In honor of her death day. I read her diary the other dayWho knew their marriage was so troubledI didn’t know, I didn’t know, this was her wayOf fighting, of making her heart less battered. I think of the red fire hydrant across from the house I grew up inWhere I became a liar.I remembered She threatened that night to set us,And All the rooms on fire. They say it was the alcoholI say it was the wind.The air was suffocating herAnd the sidewalk didn't end. She took me to my ballet recital when I was nineShe stood there cheering me on.And when I fell  on stage that nightShe said everything, everything would be alright. near the end...we hid in the car, to avoid her hostility.We would go out to dinner but tell no one why,then sit in the driveway and listen to her scream and cry.She was a mad woman now, a witch who couldn't fly. They say we are ninety percent waterI should have held herAnd drowned her in my embrace.I say she died of a broken heartI didn't see her then, all I saw was her once pretty face. When I was a kid I played pretend, make believe,I played doctor, that’s when I knew how to feel.I wanted to cure death in my fantasyI didn’t know then how dirty the noble can be. I don’t talk to god, I don’t even know his nameHe is just a fantasy that got a lot of fame.I didn’t know how dirty my dreams could beI don’t write them down, you would burn my diary. The night she died,my socks were striped like a bumble beeIn my least favorite color of the rainbow…It was called yellow you see. Let's color, let's play.Because one of us,no all of us ,will die one day. RIP Jeanette nina