Choose Your Own Emotion

I was talking to a friend of mine about whether or not you can choose your emotions. I got this idea from a book I'm reading, "The Only Thing That Matters" by Neale Donald Walsch. He says that we can decide what emotions to have by training our minds to think about a possible outcome and imagine our response. Our mind will then use that information at the moment it needs it. Because it is never about what happens to us, but about how we react to it.The friend I was speaking to did not agree exactly with this theory, because she said it sounds like victim blaming. Is it people's fault that they have a particular emotional reaction to something? I think it's a different thing to say you have control over something than to say that it is your fault. Maybe you don't realize you have control over your emotions because they happen so fast.Apparently, there is a thought that goes through your brain right before it produces an emotion. The goal is to change that thought. Like for example, a major thought I have is that it is bad that I have Bipolar Disorder. However, if I look at what the disease has taught me, about life, about people, about myself, I have to say I may have gained a great deal of wisdom from this disorder. Many people also have studied creative people and learned that many of them suffer from mental illness.I think it mixes up some of the mind, therefore one is forced to use parts of the mind that 'normal' people do not use. We all have complete creative capacity, whether we have a mental illness or not. However, I think the reason that they have found that many writers and artists have these problems is because people who have suffered deep depression. mania, or psychosis, have actually been to a different place in their minds than an ordinary person might not have.When you become aware that the mind has much more power to put you into many more states than you can imagine, all of a sudden doors are opened up. New pathways are created.So am I mad that I have Manic Depression or what is now called Bipolar Disorder? I have felt fits of complete darkness and then fits of euphoria that are incomparable. Because of that darkness, I swear to god, a lot of times when I see the sun I'm just thankful for it, thankful that I am not hiding under my covers in a dark room, feeling horrific. And that euphoria, I have managed to look for it in my mediation. I find that in a good session of mediation I can reach equally 'high' states of mind that I may have reached through mania.I am not thrilled that I have to take medication every single day of my life for the rest of my life. However, can I just say that there is something to be gained from this disease? Can I change my thought about my disease and look back at it without being upset? Can I even approach another depressive or manic episode as something positive? I don't know if I'm there yet, but I think I should try.Now I sat down with my blind father, trying to explain some of this stuff to him. I told him he could look back at some of the bad circumstances of his life in a good way. He said to me very matter of factly, "So I'm supposed to be happy about being blind?"It is very difficult to answer this question. What is to be gained from blindness? He doesn't know this about himself, but my father is an actual Saint. He is a Zen Master of sorts, who is infinitely full of wisdom, patience, and understanding. I think part of the reason he is such an exalted human being is because he is blind. He has learned how to live a restricted life with no light, literally. He is disabled and understands how people treat him differently, even though they don't mean to. I probably do it too, without realizing it.He understands human nature in a way that most of us may never understand. He also realizes that the beauty of life, of people, of possessions, is not only in their physical appearance. He loves life, and as we always say, real love is blind. Perhaps he understands a truth about love and life that us able-bodied people may never get. It's not about what the eyes can see, but what the heart can feel that is most important.So am I saying that you should love your problems, whatever they are because they are making you better? Kind of. It sounds kind of hokey. However, it is the truth. I believe our soul is on a journey to become greater and greater in each moment that we live and life gives us experiences in order to grow. Usually, the things that make us greater, are the difficult things in life. I guess that's just the nature of things.Do you ever wonder why it is that way? I think it is because you can't know and experience something unless you know and experience it's opposite. The universe is set up like that. There would be no hot without cold. No happiness without sadness.I don't know how these theories explain people who are living in complete devastation, poverty, and violence. Are they supposed to be grateful for that? Can we really ask them to? We don't have any idea what their soul is up to, but it looks pretty bad from here. But I have heard stories about poor people in India who sweep the floors and are at peace with their lives, perhaps more at peace than we are because we always want more.I remember this story about a woman who fell flat on her face on a cement sidewalk. As blood was dripping down her face, all she thought to herself was, "It is." I find this particularly profound because falling on my face is literally one of my worst fears, it's the reason I cannot rollerskate to this day.It is.Imagine accepting that moment for what it is, imagine not fighting with it, just letting it be.Could I be at peace with the way it is? I can't change the way things are at this moment. I can only try to make them better for the next moment. But right now, this is what it is.Can I be happy with that? Can you?nina