No One Knows I'm Alive

It's not importantwhat I say and what I do about that thing.Waiting in line at the pharmacy for a med, that will cure my head.We can't cure this one, they say. That is one thing we cannot treat,your barbaric screams are not covered by your insurance.I tell them no, no I am going to die this way. The laugh and say yes, yes,you will. Then at the hospital, they put me in a roomalone, with a steel toilet and no toothpaste. I ask them for a hairbrushand they sigh and look at me as if I am already dead.But no, I tell them, you cannot die of insanity. Yes, they laugh, you can, you can,we encourage you to kill yourself. We will take none of the liability or the blame,we will say you could not help it. We will say it hurts to say your name.I tell them no, no, I need my clothes. They laugh and say, yes, yes,you will wear these cotton rags or else walk around naked. We don't careas long as you wash your hair. I tell them it's impossible to eat this crap,they say no, you can stop eating, we don't know you well enough to care about your health.I declare that I am me, they smile and say so what? There were a lot of yousbefore you came around. There will be more after you leave, what makes youthink we are counting your existence as real? What makes you think we are countingyou at all. You don't even have a number here. You are a face with a name we willsurely forget by the time you stand in the unemployment line. We will let youout of this jail, only to send you to a maximum security facility in the air. One where youcreate your own punishment. You are the oppressor of yourself. We can only teach youthe basics of losing your freedom, you will have to do the rest of your homework whenwe set you unfree. You are a bird with no home and no migration status. You arein a cage we left you in, walking around with bars around your head. You cannot fly wewill not control the air traffic around you. You will bump into your life and then let it passyou by as you stand with your shoulders uptight in a line at the pharmacy where they tellyou, you have no refills left on life. It's too soon to call the doctor. No one but you will pay for this.And you have no money left, only time, to stand in line. Only this time you don't even scream.The medicine that stopped you from yelling, has made sure you were never alive.nina