Like The Lotus Flower

I'm sitting on the deck in the backyard, under the trees as leaves are falling all around me. It's a beautiful fall day. I'm thinking about nature and how serene it is. Whoever created these trees, this grass and the sun behind it had a pristine vision. I like to think it is god that did this, but maybe you think it was something else. If you're a Scientologist you might even think it's aliens who did this.I went to a Scientology center once in Chicago like almost twenty years ago. They tried to sell me a video about their program, I told them that it was immoral for them to make me pay to find out information about their religion. They gave me the video for free.I never watched it, I can't remember why. I hate to make fun of Scientology because everyone has their beliefs. In Hinduism, people believe in billions of gods. I'm having trouble keeping track of one god. I like to keep things simple but to each their own.  I don't have any proof that god exists, I just have a feeling she does.I at one time started to think my religion, Sikhism was weird because all they tell you to do over and over again is to repeat and remember god's name. But I've been doing that in meditation lately and it gives me this kind of internal joy that I cannot express. I'm not sure why that technique works.I have a history of depression, but lately, I've been doing this type of mediation and the depression seems to have gone away. There is a word in Sikhism called, Chardikala. It means unbridled joy. It is something Sikhs aim for.I have this idea that maybe it works because a name is the symbol of everything an individual is. I think that if you say god's name over and over again, you begin to embody the essence of god. You have sort of called forth this deity and maybe even sort of become him.I don't know, just a thought. Who knows, maybe god is broken into parts, like into billions of gods. Perhaps when you pray to the god of knowledge, you get smart. But I have asked many Hindus in America about this many god theory and they have told me that there is actually only one god, Bramha, and all other gods are part of that one god. It is Navratri right now, where Hindus worship the goddess Durga. I think that is beautiful. They have such a reverence for feminine power and energy in Hinduism. Something that is not present in the West.Whatever works. When I was thirteen years old my grandfather on my dad's side told me, just say "Waheguru" five minutes a day. "Waheguru" is the Sikh name for god. He said that I would notice that it would change my life. So I started to do that in the mornings. I did notice that I was happier, things seemed to be going my way more often. I think my attitude about things changed dramatically just from that.I know, I know, if you read this blog often enough, I talk about this all the time. It's just that it impacts my life in such a major way. I have this new peace and bliss about me. I just totally recommend it, that's all. Now I'm sitting in this new cafe in Royal Oak, Michigan. It's so trendy and fun, with huge windows. There is an exposed ceiling where you can see the pipes that are all painted white. It's like 84 degrees here, so lovely this time of year. I know, I know, I'm such a cliche, sitting at a cafe in the middle of the day, staring at my mac computer, drinking espresso drinks. But I like it.Dare I say I'm content?Sometimes I worry that I will be so content that I won't have anything to write about anymore. Isn't that a ridiculous thing to worry about? I've heard that happy people have thoughts too. The word on the street is that you don't have to be miserable just because you have the brain to contemplate how bad things are. Rumor has it, you can be alright, even in all this mess of the world.I can be happy even though it looks like America is crumbling to pieces at this very moment. I can be content even though poverty kills I don't know how many children in the world every day. I can be joyful even though life can be kind of depressing.I mean I am lonely and stuff. I don't have a significant other at the moment and no kids either. Wow, actually talking about this is making me uncomfortable. I don't want to dwell on sad things when the sun is out and the days are bright.I may get a job tutoring juvenile delinquents, or kids who just came out of kid jail. I think it will be really rewarding because these are definitely troubled teens. I feel like I will be doing something good by helping them with their academic progress. They need real help and they need people to care about them.I mean a kid doesn't bring a gun to school or beat up another kid unless something is going on their minds and their lives that is truly making them unhappy. But I definitely can't tell the kids to do meditation, I may be accused of trying to convert them to a particular religion. Or will I? I've heard of kids who get in trouble doing meditation at some schools instead of detention. They say it has worked miracles on these troubled children.Anyways, I will not be their psychologist, but I can become their friend. These kids are in a situation where they have usually been kicked out of school for bad behavior. I get to teach them how to read and write properly. That is very exciting to me. I know, I'm a nerd.I mean as much as I would like to teach these kids how to be happy, the only thing I can really do is help them with their homework and give them the idea that the only way out of this mess they have gotten themselves into is through education. If even one of those kids goes to college because of something I did or said, I will have done my job. I will be satisfied.I mean if I was left to my own devices I would love to teach them about karma and spirituality and positive affirmations. I remember reading a book by this dude who said, "I love myself," over and over again. You become what you repeat. He actually started to truly fall in love with himself and become truly ecstatic and peaceful.I think we always think of Nirvana or Heaven as a place where we have to go that's quite difficult to get to, and very far away. I disagree. I think paradise and euphoria are right here and now. If we can feel those things while living in such harsh circumstances, then we have succeeded.Like the lotus flower that grows in the dirty swamp, we have to bloom in the ugliest of places sometimes.But we flower nevertheless.nina