Faces

I don’t know my face, which one am I? Am I the woman in the mirror? Can you see me? Can you still see me if I close my eyes? Who am I when I am invisible? When I can't see myself?I am your mother, your wife, your sister, your friend. I am the one who sees you in the darkness of the night. I am the one who brings you tea when you are not looking. I will bring you flowers from the sky, as soon as I pick them from my grave.I'm not dead yet, you say. I am very much alive and under the world's spell. I am the small package you get from the post office with no address. I am the long line at the end of your paper, where you thought it should end. Should I end at some point?Will you promise to never end? I am walking and holding my breath. I make decisions without making any sense. I want to learn how to fly, but the wind won't cooperate. The sky won't say my name in time.Where is the beggar? Where is the man who lets him beg? I am the woman without crutches who walks the earth with just one leg. I am incomplete, they say my mind is deformed.I don't think the right thoughts. I make decisions without singing. If I sang every time I thought, maybe the world would sound better. I want to know your place, where you think you should stand.I am going to sit this one out. This life. You don't owe me an explanation for living. You don't owe me any rent for taking up space in my head. You are the misunderstood piece of life that I am missing.You are the question mark at the end of my answer. I draw your body as if you have no face as if you are just an animal without a language. If we couldn't talk to each other, what would we do instead?You play video games with my aura. I am in those games, I am the one you are fighting against. All this time you have been looking for the enemy, and I have been staring you in the face.Where is the dog? Why does he want to walk without his leash? Why does he make more sense to me than your cries? You make a lot of noise, while I dance. It is not a beat that I can dance to, I'm using the music in my head, instead.Why do people speak so loud? Why do they have nothing to say, but they shout anyway? There are those who are immensely alive, and those who speak to us from another life.We are the ones we are forgetting about. There is honey in our hair and we cannot seem to take out the bees. Apparently, bees talk to each other too, without saying a word. They know each other that well. They dance for one another instead of useless chatter.What are words but the opposite of thoughts? They are the mess we get ourselves into when we try to say what we should have felt. I should feel your name, why am I constantly saying it?I should know who I am when no one else is talking. I should be a person, instead of being like a piece of art hanging on a wall that no one understands. A painting with no color. Don't hang me upside down.Make room for me in the spaces you don't talk about. Your phony face cannot tell a lie. I know that look in your eye. Wash on, wash off. It is time to paint the house the color of your heart.I'm drinking milk from Betty Crocker's breasts. I'm making a cake without your hands. You are actually in this recipe. You are the main ingredient in my food. Make no mistake, I know your face is nude. How dare you walk around like that.nina