What Do I Want Out of Life?

This is one of those days where I don't know what's up and what's not up. I couldn't get up this morning for the life of me. I'm drinking coffee in a daze. I'm literally dazed and confused. The sun is being accosted by the clouds, so you can barely see it. I want to hide in the clouds myself. Up there in the sky.A good friend visited me from California this past weekend. He is a friend from high school. We had a blast, talking about everything and nothing, all at the same time. The two of us are writing a movie screenplay and we are hoping it will make us millions of dollars one day. We've been working on it for years.I've been working on my mind for years and still haven't made a million dollars. My parents just played the Mega Million lottery because the prize was over a billion dollars. I heard on the radio people were 'worried' about what they would do with that much money if they won. I would love to have a 'problem' like that.What would I do with a billion dollars? I think I would start a spiritual movement of some kind. And I would travel the world doing it. What would you do with a billion dollars?My friend from California is the only one on earth that I have ever sung in front of. He thinks I should market myself as the Indian Adele. Haha. Let's be real, I can't sing. If I could I would like to write some ghazals or Indian poetry that is sung to music and sing those. That would be the right way to make a million dollars.Can you imagine just getting every little gadget you ever wanted, and all the clothes you want and a big beautiful house? Do you think you would be happy if you had all the money in the world? I don't think so. Do we want money or happiness?There is a novel called Flowers for Algernon that is about a man who has a brain deficiency and is not very smart, but he is very happy. He then gets a surgery that makes him a genius. He is then very intelligent but very miserable. Eventually, the surgery fails and he is back to his original brain deficiency. The question the novel asks is, would you rather be smart or happy? Most of us would choose to be smart.Isn't that interesting.Cleverness will not make you happy. What is the point of life after all? Is it money? Is it intelligence? Is it happiness? Maybe it's all three. Maybe it's none of the above choices.I think I want happiness the most. But honestly I want to be smart too and I wouldn't mind some money.Good thing the choice is not really up to me. Or is it?Can I make myself happy? Yes. Can I make myself smart? Yes. Can I make myself money? Yes.Maybe it is all in my hands. I would like to know first how to make myself happy. I've read that happiness is a decision. I like that theory. I want to just make the decision that I am happy. I am happy because I say I am. Could it really be that easy? Maybe it is.I mean I'm kind of happy at the moment. I'm writing, I'm listening to kirtan. I have food, clothes, and shelter. That is a lot more than many people have. If only I could always be grateful for that. I get to do what I want in life. I should probably be thankful for that. I'm not working as some slave or something. I'm serious. I'm lucky.I think I've done some stuff to make myself smarter. I went to school, all the way to a Masters degree. I read constantly. I don't know if I'm intelligent enough, but I guess I'm doing alright.Now it comes to money. How will I make money doing what I love? I have a few books in the making. Hopefully, I can sell them on this very blog. Will I make a million dollars? I hope to be a steady thousandaire. Hundreds of thousands of dollars will work for me.If I wanted to be rich, I would not have gone into writing and teaching as careers. I would have become a corporate lawyer. I would be rich but unhappy. I would be super smart, but super miserable. What's better, to be struggling a little financially and be content, or be rich and sad all the time?It's true that money cannot buy happiness as cheesy and overused as that cliche is. Money can basically just buy food and stuff. Once you've had enough food and stuff, it becomes boring. I think happiness can get you money. Just do what you love and I think if you do it right you can make enough money doing it. Intelligence can get you money, but not necessarily any happiness.What do you want out of life? How are you going to get it?It's good to think about it sometimes.Do you have what you want? Do you think you can get what you want? What would you have to change about yourself and your life to get it? Is it worth it? Or is the status quo OK? How's that working out for you?nina