Don't Know Much

Remember that old song by Louis Daniel Armstrong What A Wonderful World?...Don't know much about historyDon't know much biologyDon't know much about a science book,Don't know much about the french I tookBut I do know that I love you,And I know that if you love me, too,What a wonderful world this would beI feel like that sometimes. I feel like I don't know that much about anything. What do you know? I remember I was taught a lot in school about stuff, but how much of it do I remember? I even have a couple of college degrees, but what did I learn?I think the most important thing I learned in school was how to think. That is what education is mostly about. Using your brain which is a muscle. I wonder if I use my brain enough. I mean am I thinking enough about anything? I had a boyfriend once who told me that I think too much. But is there even such a thing as thinking too much?The question is, what do I want to be thinking about? What am I really thinking about? What should I be thinking about?But I don't know if I really believe in shoulds. I want to think about good things. I want my brain to be full of positivity. But in all honesty, when I close my eyes and watch my thoughts, I see a lot of anxiety and negativity.One of the tricks to being positive is being grateful for everything that you have. Grateful for everything that is.I wonder what I could be grateful about. I could be grateful that I live in a first world country where everything I need is at my fingertips. I could be grateful that I have this quiet time in the morning to get out my thoughts and express myself. I am grateful for my family, they drive me crazy, but they are great. I'm also grateful for my friends, some of them have been around for decades now.Sitting in gratitude feels wonderful. There are so many things to think about in the world that are negative. The world itself seems more negative than positive. But if we can all change the way we think, spin things in a positive way, we could slowly change the world. But that starts with changing ourselves.When I think about all the corruption in our government, especially since Trump, the positive thought that comes from that is that I have never seen activism like this before. I have never seen the people of our nation trying harder to speak their truth. That is the good you can think about the next time you turn on the news.Because of evolution, we are always thinking of how to protect ourselves from any threat, hence the negative thoughts. However, we have grown out of this thought process and now want to instead think of the opportunities in front of us rather than worry about things that can hurt us.When you close your eyes in silence, what do you think of? Is any of it any good? Do you think you could try to shift your thoughts to good thoughts? In meditation, we often want to turn our thoughts into no-thoughts. Emptiness. I wonder, is that even possible? Isn't a thought about nothing, still a thought?But there is a difference between thinking and just being. Do you think you can be without thinking? I wonder if I would reach a new place of peace and bliss if I did that. That is what the mystics teach, that one must go beyond thought to awareness. But what is awareness?I think awareness is knowing what you know. We all have so much knowledge inside our souls, our beings, that we need to access that part of ourselves. We need to know that we know. We are literally hooked up to infinite knowledge and understanding, and when we stop thinking our petty thoughts is when we can access these infinite possibilities.What does a normal thought process look like: Hmmm...I need to get that medicine prescription from CVS than get that heating pad from Walmart. What about that dent on my car? Am I ever going to get that fixed? I hate my job, but I like money. I ate too much yesterday, but I'm still hungry. I feel like I said something wrong to Jenny the other day, I think she doesn't like me anymore. I need to exercise more. I can never do anything right. I should cook. I'd have to get groceries then. I hate grocery shopping. I don't think I'm going to get that raise...And on and on.We are honestly really full of petty, small thoughts. But it doesn't help I think to want to make our thoughts extraordinary either. Life is not a thought competition. It is not a competition at all. The point is to be happy with the thoughts we are thinking. So how do we do that?I think the first step is to recognize what is actually going through our heads. Watch it. Be an observer of the chaos of your mind. I do this often in meditation, it is a good safe place to do this. After you watch all your thoughts whirling by, you notice how stupid and pointless most of them are.Replace your thoughts with feelings. I've done this before, and a feeling of peace comes over me. A feeling of joy. Unbridled bliss that comes from not thinking about the mundane things of everyday life. Not worrying about getting the car washed and feeding the dog. Think about love instead, feel it. Let it take over your mind.Truthfully, when I am in meditation, I don't think about the peace and joy that I am feeling. I simply feel it. The only way I know how to access this particular bliss is through repetition of a mantra, or god's name. This works for me. Something else may work for you to center your mind.Whatever you do, I encourage you to try it. Notice your thoughts, try to shut them off sometimes. Even in the middle of the day, in the middle of work, just stare at a tree outside. Really look at it. Shut everything off besides that tree. There you will find peace and love and joy.Do try this at home. I cannot guarantee that it will happen the first time you try or even the hundredth time. But I know it makes me happy.In the song I was talking about in the beginning, it is a song about not thinking. Not thinking about all the things we have been taught to think about. But loving instead. Love.nina