What Is There To Say?

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Sometimes I'm not sure why I am alive. Did I come here to actually do something in particular? If so, what is it and why? I believe in this theory that I came here to be me. That's it. Just be who I really am.

But the question is, who am I? I am so many different things that are combined and constantly changing. How would I identify myself? Am I nina, am I my name? Am I where I live? Am I a writer? A thinker? Someone who likes to laugh? Or am I just the one who is aware?

I feel like the only thing that I'm doing here on Earth is experiencing life.  Is there anything else to experience after all? Micheal Singer wrote a book called 'The Untethered Soul' about how we are simply the fact that we are aware. 

What does it mean to be aware? I think it means to notice life, to know and be conscious of what is happening. That is all he says that we are, the person who is conscious about what she is experiencing. I am not my profession, or just a daughter, or just a woman. 

In many ways, I am everything. I am the song, I am the one singing it. I am the beauty, and I am the one looking at it. If we believe that everything and everyone is One, that there is nothing that we are not. It may sound creepy, but I am also you.

But what does that actually mean in real life? How can I be you and me at the same time? I think our being is not a solid. We are not just one thing, we are moving through everything. Our soul is permeable, malleable, flexible.

I am sitting in that tree, I am also slaving in jail, I am also that pregnant woman giving birth, and I am that doctor doing surgery and I am that woman on the street asking for money. Sometimes I am a man, sometimes I am a child. I am all of those things and none of those things all at once.

It is kind of a lot to be everything. It is a lot of pressure to be who we really are which is a part of everything. That is why we live in this delusion that is easy, the illusion that we are separate from others. We just want to be one thing. I just want to be nina. I don't want to be Tom or Jackie, or Priya.

How can I be me and still acknowledge that I am also a part of you? That we share something intrinsic. Maybe we are even sharing a soul. Sharing a soul with the whole universe. Maybe we are all the Oversoul. The One. The Only.

There is only one thing, and that is us. I look different. I look different than that table. But the real truth is, I am also that table. I am all of the atoms and electrons dancing around in that table. That table is just as alive as I am.

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We share an electricity with everything, a power that keeps us alive. But I want to think that I am unique. That I am original. That I am my own person. Am I really? I guess yes and no. And that is the complicated and intriguing truth. We are everything and also just ourselves all at once. 

I am actually nina, but that doesn't make me anything less than the entire universe. The entire universe is inside me. The unique thing is how I experience that place and that thing. I do have an identity. But it is not what I do or what I say, it is who I am. How I choose to be.

Being trumps doing anytime. It is more important to be the person you want to be, than to do the things you want to do. Why is that? You can do all the charity work in the world, but if your heart is not being authentic, there is no point in doing it. You must be giving while you give. Or otherwise, there is no point.  

You must be alive, really alive, while you live. It is being alive that is more important than what you are doing while you are living. Being alive is a state of being, a state of mind. A state of the soul. 

Are you really here while you are here? Do you notice that you are here? Are you experiencing and being aware of what you are and what is happening while you are here? Your awareness is who you are. You are just the one who knows.

Socrates said we know everything, we just don't remember. We often don't remember who we really are. We are so caught up in 'doing' the right things that we forget to be the right things. 

Who are you? Who are you while you are reading this? Are you alive? Are you really you? These are the questions we must grapple with. The real questions don't have straight multiple choice answers. The real answers are complex and multifaceted. 

Remember that you are whatever you want to be. Whatever you say you are, you are. But be that. Really be that. Don't run away from who you really are.

You are love. You are beauty. You are truth.

I know this because I am you. 

nina