Being Me
I go through these decorating phases where I must redecorate my space. I love to buy beautiful things from thrift stores. In fact, I have a great collection of Chinese and Japanese tea sets. They are all delicately painted and colorful. I love stuff like that.
I like to find beauty in objects and rooms, I’m not craftybut I like to think I’m artistic. The three things I’m interested in areinterior decorating, fashion and make-up. Does that sound very girly of me?Like ultra feminine? I consider myself a feminist but I love some things thatare traditionally things that women enjoy.
I have faaaar toooo many clothes. I mean I don’t even knowwhere to put them all. I also have too much make-up as well. My new thing isred lipstick, it’s nice in the winter. If you are a dude, you probably thinkthat all lipstick is red, and you probably could care less about what I amtalking about.
It’s interesting to me that in all other animal species, itis the men who decorate themselves to please the women. It is only in humansthat women adorn themselves for men.
Ever since I was little, I loved the idea of make-up. Iremember one time when I was like seven I wished for a lipstick at a fountainwhere you throw in a coin and make wishes. I wonder if this tendency to careabout stuff like this is innate or learned. I was naturally never into sportsand other male activities as a child or an adult. I took dance classes. SometimesI’m such a girl, I love shopping and getting my hair and nails done.
Did I learn this from my ultra feminine mother? Or is thisjust the way I was born? I feel like I just naturally gravitate towards thingslike this. I wonder sometimes if femininity and masculinity are culturalcreations or a natural phenomena. I feel like it’s a mix of both.
I was talking to a couple who has a five year old girl and they told me she is more concerned with girly things and being a girl since she started school. They feel like it is peer pressure. She used to play with trucks and cars and dolls. Now she focuses on feminine things. I wonder if she is naturally more inclined to do this, or if she is seeing it all around her and copying that.
Am I doing what’s natural to me or am I just doing what I consider every woman should do? I like to think I innately enjoy feminine pursuits, however, intellectualism is not a male or female pursuit. I like to think it is gender-neutral. I’m more interested in my mind that I am in my body, and that is a human pursuit.
However, I’m not interested in cars or sports, things thatare traditionally considered male passions. I’m a romantic, I love watching andreading great love stories and art films. I don’t like action or comic bookmovies. I’m not interested in video games and I hate beer.
Most of my friends are female, although, interestinglyenough, many of my female friends are not as feminine as I am. They tend to bea little more ‘butch,’ a few are even lesbians. I get along great with womenwho are not interested in make-up and hair. I like women who are thinkers likeI am. Those who I can have deepconversations with and also some hilarity.
I’m not sure why I’m drawn to people who are not interestedin fashion or beauty, but who have very intelligent and meaningful lives. Ilike to think it is because I’m a unique person. I enjoy things that aretraditionally feminine. However, I’m more interested in things that stimulatemy mind.
I learned from my mother at a very early age that it wasimportant to dress well. My dad could care less, although he dresses well, butit’s kind of just by accident and mostly because my mom dresses him. But alongwith being concerned about clothes and shoes, my mother is also an extremelyintelligent doctor. She was very pretty as a young woman, and still is, but shetalks more about how she was so smart when she was in school.
Beauty and brains, I always considered my mother to have itall. That was always my goal, to have both of those things. I tutor studentslately and I give them some writing prompts to pick from to write an essay. Thegirls often pick the prompt of “Would you rather be very beautiful or very smart?”Most of the girls say they would rather be smart.
One girl I had last week said she would rather be beautiful.I was surprised at that because she is actually very intellectual. It turns outshe misunderstood the question, she thought since she is already smart, shewanted beauty with that. She is actually a very pretty girl. But it made mewonder, if I was ugly, would I rather be pretty or smart?
I know that I would rather be intelligent because that itthe stuff of life. Beauty does not win you love, if someone loves you for yourbeauty that will fade. Real love is about someone’s insides. Real life is apursuit of the mind.
As much as I like to make my space and my face beautiful, I’mactually more concerned about my intellectual pursuits. I’m usually reading atleast three or four books at a time. I write every day. I read the newspaper everyday. I enjoy having intelligent conversations about life and the world. I don’tlove politics, but I know what’s going on. I’m more interested in philosophyand spirituality.
I’d like to say I’m well rounded, but so are my nails, and Ilike to get them polished. That doesn’t make me a girly girl. It makes me ahuman being who is multifaceted and complex. I don’t want to have just oneside, analytical or artistic, feminine or masculine, I want to be a wholeperson.
We need to be people first.
nina
