I'm Annoyed
So I’m just going to rant today. I’m annoyed with my life. I’ve been tutoring kids in math all morning and I am not a mathematician. I got a couple of story problems wrong and I feel like an idiot, but they hired me for this job with the knowledge that I am an English major. I get nervous when I don’t understand math and it stresses me out.
What to do? It’s part of my job for the moment. I like working with kids one on one, they are much more behaved this way. But I’m getting frustrated with all the equations. Also, I’ve got issues in my family that I cannot talk about. I need to try to focus on the good.
Things are generally good. I didn’t feel like writing this though because I was so upset. How do we move past these small annoyances and see the bigger picture? I’m actually really happy that the books that I’m trying to publish are coming along. I got more hours at my job. All in all, I’m in a pretty good place at the moment but I get tripped up by the mundane annoyances of life.
I’ve read all those books about not sweating the small stuff and I think they may be right. Having to do a couple of math problems in my life is not going to kill me. Fighting with my family is not the end of the world either. I need to get some perspective. Don’t we all?
Maybe you are in the same position, everything is going fine until someone or something pisses you off. I mean for me today, I think the day started off wrong. I woke up way too early and then fell asleep while meditating. Does that really count as meditation, the attempt? Obviously, I did not get the benefits of a peaceful mind.
I decided to go back to sleep and then didn’t have time to work out either, which irritated me even more. So how do I get out of this irritated and annoyed mindset? I need to breathe in and out. Really deeply breathe. I can connect with the universe outside of meditation too. So I’m trying to find my inner power right now.
Part of that power is realizing that I got to just keep chopping wood and carrying water. Have you ever heard that saying before? It means just do your work and shut up. I have to write, even if it all feels jumbled up and chaotic, this writing and this life. I have to continue living, even though it’s hard sometimes.
Not to get all metaphysical on you, but I’m about to get all metaphysical on you. I believe my soul chose to come down to this life and sometimes I wonder why when it’s really hard. But if I had a choice, I would rather have this life than not have it. It’s actually pretty good.
I just get tripped up sometimes by the regular annoying things in life. Everyday stuff can sometimes be more frustrating than the bigger stuff that is wrong. I guess we do live day to day and it can be a struggle. But I’m feeling better just talking about, putting my feelings down.
I think everyone experiences this annoyance in life. It’s like it’s not even real problems, they are like sort of problems. They are always very first world problems. I know I’m very spoiled and that’s probably part of the problem. But I think another thing is that I pay attention to the bad things. It’s like seventy degrees outside, it is rainy and cloudy, but still, that is a great temperature for Michigan. I just got a new jean jacket the other day that’s ultra cute that I’m wearing and I feel totally fly in it. I haven’t used the word ‘fly’ in a long time.
I have a good job and I like the people I work with. My health is improving and I’m losing weight consistently. I feel great. What is there really to complain about? When I look at it this way, it all seems so petty and small to me that I’m even upset at all.
But I think it’s important to recognize your feelings about something, but there is a way to redirect those feelings by using good positive thoughts. I need to focus on the good and be grateful. Being grateful might be the single most important thing to do in order to be happy.
I have a lot and I’m very lucky. I work with kids who come from some very difficult backgrounds, and I’m privileged to be able to guide them. And I am not even trying to be modest here, but I learn much more from teaching them than they could ever learn from me. I literally learn like biology and chemistry and history, stuff I did not know.
And it probably stretches my brain cells to do math problems that don’t come naturally to me. I’ve read that if you do things that challenge your brain you’re less likely to get dementia and other brain-related diseases. So I’m doing myself a favor here.
I feel good now that I got all that out of my system. See how easy it is to turn a bad day into a good day? My sister is coming over tonight, so that should be fun. I get to eat Boston Market chicken tonight, what else could a woman want on a Wednesday night?
It’s the small things. Always the small things. Either you can sweat them or appreciate them.
It’s our choice.
nina