I Think Of November Often...
I think of November often, like the way you think about your toothbrush, do you ever really think about it? Or the napkin, is it thinking or saying anything important? What am I but just a person and I don’t even know what that means? I don’t know why I’m sitting here and what I am saying if anything at all. There are many days in November and many bristles on a toothbrush. But what does any of that matter to you? I am sinking, even though I know how to swim. I am finding, nothing, actually, nothing but the silence between breaths and your nose. The way it breathes in the breaths that you take while I am standing next to you. There is, of course, Thanksgiving, at the end of November, but it is just a holiday upon which we eat. And I eat every day. I think I have eaten every single day of my life. I think I have been eaten. I think my life is eating me. I am not sure if I am alive still. What is there to say of the air, the air that is all around me. That surrounds me and doesn’t even speak to me, it just is. I want to be like air. Just exist. I don’t want the pressure of having to be something, having to do something. I want to be as clear as air. I want to be see-through. And what of my face and the way it moves when you say something, what is it doing anyways? What are we doing? All of us. I’m talking to you. Do you even know what you are doing and why you are doing it? Does any of it make any sense? We came into this world and we were told that we should try to make sense of something so senseless. I’m talking about everything. The wind, the stars that are already dead but look alive to us. I’m talking about your tuna sandwich. I’m talking about that pickle you are thinking of eating and your face. I am talking about us. In November. Because it is a month. A month I’m not even sure I like or care about and why would I go on and on about it anyways? We are all sitting here, in whatever month the calendar tells us because we follow the calendar as if it was created by the gods. Ye are gods, I tell you. So let’s do more than breathe, brush our teeth and count the days of the month.
nina