I Don't Want To Anymore...
It has just occurred to me that I don’t want to write this. I also don’t want to finish cleaning my room or work on my syllabi for my new classes. What do I want to do? Nothing. I want to sit around contemplating nothing for a while.
But I already did that this morning.
Isn’t that what meditation sort of is?
Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night with all these ideas that I considered brilliant that I would teach in my class about writing. And they were pretty good ideas, and I was pretty excited.
I want to be that excited about my own writing. Teaching writing is one thing, the thing I get paid to do, but doing it is another. The thing they haven’t paid me to do yet.
What are some of the ideas that I thought of for my classes?
What is truth? What is the difference between truth and fact? Is there such a thing as ‘truth’ or does everyone have their own truth? Do we write arguments in order to get at the ‘truth’? If there is no objective truth, then why are we arguing, what are we trying to find out?
Also is there such a thing as objectivity? Can a person think and write without bias? Even when we are presenting facts, the facts that we choose to present create bias.
What is the purpose of writing? Possible ideas: To understand our thoughts and feelings, to express them and to organize them.
But what is the relationship of thoughts to feelings? We always assume feelings come first and then we have a thought about it. But what if we thought about something and created a feeling in order to maintain some control over our feelings? Why is this interesting? Because the basis of what we argue in writing is based on our thoughts and feelings about a subject.
Our beliefs control how we think and feel about issues. What is the origin of these beliefs? Where did we get them from? Society? Our parents and family? Religion? Are there beliefs we need to change after thinking and having feelings about certain issues. Is it OK to change our beliefs even if they go against the source of our beliefs?
Is there a right and wrong or are those just two constructs we have created? What is the source of morality or ethics? When we think about writing arguments, should we ask ourselves, does this particular method of thinking about this issue uplift society? Do we believe that people have the freedom to do a particular thing? Example: Legalization of marijuana or prostitution.
I am very inspired to teach and explore such thoughts. However, I am currently not feeling the same inspiration about my own writing.
What do I want to say? I want to talk to these students about voice, that everyone has a voice and everyone has something to say. But what does that mean for me?
At the moment, all I have to say is that I’m looking forward to going out to dinner in Detroit tonight and then going to a wine bar with some friends. I’m looking forward to wearing this new tie-dye dress I got in Marquette.
I’ve spent a lot of my life writing and thinking, and sometimes I just want to be. I think I will go organize my closet some more just so I can take a break from thinking and writing.
Although, in my core, this is who I am and what I do. I love this.
I just need a break every now and then.
nina