What The World Looks Like Now
I went out today. I was excited, I even put on a bra. I put on jeans, apparently, I still fit into my jeans. Trust me this is an accomplishment. I mean I haven't gained weight during quarantine yet, but that might just be luck at this point.
I had to run an important errand for my sister, and since she is busy saving the world as a nurse practitioner, I thought it was the least my lazy ass could do. Plus my Apple Watch promised to give me an award if I managed to get off the couch for more than five minutes. The bar has lowered for awards in the last month.
I opened the window as I drove, the fresh air was amazing. But the odd thing is, there was quite a bit of traffic. What are all these people doing out? It makes it a little clearer why America has so many cases of Coronavirus. I haven’t gone out in a week. I was literally only going because it was essential. But driving itself, being out of the house, was nice I have to admit.
"Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went."--John Updike, Rabbit at Rest.
I decided to go grocery shopping while I was out since all the grocery delivery service spots were full. So I walked into the store and this guy was sanitizing the shopping carts. I tried to smile at him, but I was wearing a mask and you can’t actually smile at someone with a mask on. So I nodded and said thanks. I feel like you have to talk a little louder when you are wearing a mask. And annunciation is a nightmare. Did anyone actually understand anything I was saying?
(And another thing, trying to text on your phone with plastic gloves is a nightmare. My autocorrect was having a party as I misspelled every other word. Funny thing, I just misspelled 'misspelled' as I was writing this and no rubber gloves were involved. Gives me something to think about.)
I tried to stay 6 feet away from people at the store, most people had some kind of mask-like thing on their face. I got mine from a friend who works at GM and is working in a factory that is making masks. I bought flowers right when I came in because I needed something pretty. I got some purple tulips.
I saw two guys talking to each other and they were standing so close to each other without even wearing masks. I was judging them for doing that. From what I heard in the conversation they just ran into each other. Everyone else looked scared of everyone else.
We are literally afraid of strangers right now. Not just strangers, but everyone. How do I know you don’t have it? I almost bumped into a woman, I apologized so profusely, as if I had murdered her firstborn child. She was very nice, no problem, she said. But you don’t understand I wanted to say, I am sorry.
I am sorry that this is our life right now. That I haven’t touched another human being in weeks. I am sorry if I am sick and I am making other people sick without knowing it. I am sorry you can’t see me smiling at you. I like to smile. It doesn’t even matter anymore. Oh well, I never really liked my teeth that much.
Anyways, as I was saying, generally people were acting kind of normal, but like you could tell there was this fear in their eyes, it felt like everyone was trembling just a little bit and you could only notice if you were really tuned in. I was probably shaking a little bit too.
We are literally risking our lives in order to get food and other essential items, like tulips, and toilet paper. Oh, and I found toilet paper! It felt like winning the lottery. I could only take one pack, but never have a looked at an aisle of toilet paper with so much admiration and gratitude.
Then when I got to the cashier, I moved my cart towards the cash register and this woman almost yelled, “You need to step back, I haven’t paid yet!” She was old. And I understood. Other human beings are deadly right now to old people. I get it. I wasn’t even mad. I was sad.
So I had to get my sister’s contact lenses and her optometrist was in a hospital. She told me the doctor would come to my car and hand the lenses to me. But I called the doctor and no one answered. I was ready and prepared to go into the hospital.
But I’ll be honest, at that point I told myself, nina you will probably get Coronavirus if you walk into that building with all those sick people. But you will be OK. You will stay away from your parents, as you have been and then when you cough even once, you will isolate in the basement. You will only get a mild case.
The truth is, we live in a world where we should assume we are infected and act as if we are. It's no longer OK to just hang out in the world for no reason and touch things and people. We need to get in and get out. Anywhere we go, there is the potential for us to give or get Coronavirus.
I called the doctor again and he answered and said he would come to give me the contacts so I would not have to enter the hospital. I wanted to tell him maybe he saved my life, but I figured he might have me admitted into the psych ward. Well actually now that I think about it, he would understand. We all get it.
My dad then called me and said since I’m already out, can I go to the Indian grocery store, Patel Brothers? I drove there and they were closed. Which was weird since all other grocery stores were open. I wondered if they had an incident, like maybe a lot of the staff getting it. I tried not to think about it too much. The owner always helps my mom load her groceries in the car.
So I went to another Indian store and they had a long line outside, they were only allowing two customers inside at a time. I felt like I was trying to buy bread in Russia in the 1990s. I was just trying to buy roti in America in 2020. It would have been an hour and a half to two hours more for this.
I took a shopping cart and was about to stand in line until I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I wasn’t really in the mood to use a public restroom at that moment. Please tell me you understand why.
So I left and headed home. I drove home and left the non-perishable groceries in the garage and will leave them there for 24 hours. I then sanitized the crap out of the other groceries I had to bring in with Clorox wipes.
I took off the clothes I wore and put them in the laundry and took a shower and washed my hair. Look, I have to take all the precautions I can. I live with my parents and my father has serious health issues already.
I feel like I visited a war zone. I did. The world is now a war zone. I am not visiting it, I’m living in it.
This is what the landscape looks like. It’s scary out there.
Please don’t go out there unless you absolutely need to.
nina