Notice

Do you ever notice in this modern world that there are so many blinking lights? I'm sitting in my living room and an old VCR is blinking, the land line phone is blinking, the screen saver on the television is blinking. I should be blinking.I see patterns, I'm reading a book called Many Lives, Many Masters. It's about reincarnation. I think I may ask my therapist to hypnotize me.I believe in past lives. I may not necessarily want to know who I was in a past life as much as I want to know if I have any unresolved issues from another life that are plaguing me now. There must be a reason for my chemical imbalance. Maybe I can find that reason in some past life regression therapy.Although I'm scared. I have an intuition that some terrible things have happened to me in my past life. I also am maybe a little afraid of knowledge. Does that sound crazy. Maybe I don't want to know, maybe there is a reason we don't remember.Sometimes I am so afraid of my own mind that I have to write things out in order to breathe. These things I write are saving me. I need something more in this life, I need more, I want more. More meaning, more understanding. More living, really living. How do you really live? I need to do something for someone, but who?I wish I wasn't afraid of homeless men. I want to talk to them. Find out what they need, what they want. I can't help them, but I can have a conversation with them.

I definitely wrote this, I must of wrote it in my sleep. Is sleep writing a condition, doctors out there? God and god are such weirdos.