My Name is Nina and I'm a Shopping Addict

So what have I been doing for all these months I have not been writing? Besides teaching and the rest of life, I’ve been shopping. 

I have a problem. 

A real problem with shopping. 

At first, people sometimes think I’m joking when I talk about my shopping addiction. Haha, I love to shop till I drop. I’m about to drop. I’ve dropped so much money on clothes and I’m not even at my goal weight yet. 

I put up a post on the bariatric group that I’m in if anyone else has transferred their food addiction to shopping. I got so many responses it’s unbelievable. I’m not alone. 

I look good in clothes again and this was my way of celebrating. But the fun is over. 

I’ve decided I just need to stop. I realized as well that this hole inside myself that I was trying to fill with food or shopping or whatever other bullshit, can be somewhat filled with things like writing and reading. I need to do meaningful things to keep myself full. 

So that’s why I’m back here. 

I left the scene of this blog because I got too busy, but I’m a little less busy now and I have no excuses left. Writing helps make me whole and it has been a big part of my healing process this past year. It is part of the reason I lost 100 pounds. 

I need to breathe out, I read somewhere that reading is breathing in and writing is breathing out. I think that may be true. 

I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for a little while now. It’s time to exhale. 

I’ve made a vow to not buy anything for the next week. Baby steps. Let’s see how this week goes. I’m also looking to address this in therapy. What is the core issue that is making me run to addictions? What’s missing? What do I need?

I think I need meaningful engagement in life. I need to know that I’m doing something worthy. I need to live, really live. I’m not sure what that means but I also know exactly what that means at the same time. I am on less psychiatric medicine since I lost weight and I can feel things more deeply now. I cry more and it is lovely. 

I don’t want to cry about this shopping thing. I feel like I’ve accomplished so much that I can do anything and I will. I needed to put this out there though. It helps. It helps to say it out loud. To write it down. To acknowledge that it is real. Otherwise, it just feels like I’m being controlled by a compulsion. 

There have been times where I have even been addicted to writing this very blog. I am an addict by nature. I have to watch things. As we all do I presume. Anyone is capable of falling into an addiction I think. 

So I’m back to writing all of this. Mainly because it helps to heal me. Mainly because this is part of the meaning in my life. Mainly because I’m happier and more alive when I do this. 

Mainly because you are listening. 

nina