Near Death Experience?

I almost died yesterday.OK, I may be slightly exaggerating. But theoretically, I could have died.A huge piece of food lodged into my throat and for a moment I could not breathe. Instead of dying, I threw it up on the table, at a Middle Eastern restaurant, with my friend watching. I did catch the food in my napkin, but still.The reason this happened was because they gave me the wrong order of food. I ordered a kabob sandwich and instead of cooking it to medium, they gave me someone's meat that was cooked rare. It was so raw, I could not chew it properly and break it down to swallow it. I asked the waitress to make me a new one after I almost croaked. She then gave me another sandwich with rare meat. I didn't really eat it, considering I don't want to almost die more than once in a single sitting.It was beef, maybe my mother is right, I shouldn't eat beef. Beef can kill you even if you eat like a normal human being and don't choke on it. Hindus don't eat beef in India, but I am Sikh, however, I'm not really a fan of what we are doing to cows. Or chickens for that matter. But I digress...I know this story is kind of gross. My friend who was dining with me was a really good sport, she pretended like she wasn't disgusted. Maybe this is Too Much Information, TMI. All night I kept thinking that if I had not thrown up that food, I could have choked and stopped breathing and died right there. I am aware I threw up my food on to myself like a small child, however, in the process, I saved my life.It made me think about how fragile we are, how fragile life is. How many times have you almost gotten into a really bad car accident? It's happened to me a few times, where I felt like the force of the universe saved me. Like yesterday, the very day that the vomiting situation occurred, I almost hit a car that was passing me by on the right side when I was trying to merge into the right lane. You don't pass people on the right, and I didn't notice this dude coming right at me, but in the end, I swerved the car and saved myself, yet again.That could have been a horrible accident. I could have died and then redied that day. Haha.But in all seriousness, are you ready to die at any moment?I'm sorry to tell you this, in case you haven't really thought about it, but you could die any time. I mean you could die today, or tomorrow. The only time you can't die is yesterday. Well actually that's not technically true, but I'll get into that later.Some people believe we spend our whole lives denying the fact that we are going to die at all.Do you ever think about dying? Would you live your life differently if you thought you were going to die tomorrow, or next week, next month or next year? I don't know what the statistical chances of you or me dying in the next year are, but the possibility exists. Is it a good thing we don't know about it though?There are people who want to die because they feel their life is so awful. There are those who don't want to die, ever. I want to die at like about 84 years old. If I make it to 85, I'm going to start doing drugs or something because I'm pretty sure I don't want to live much longer than that.I say that now, but when this blog turns into Eighty-Something Years in Ninaland, things may change.If I knew I was going to die in a year, I wonder how I would live this year. I think I would immediately start writing a book and blogging about the dying process. I would leave my family instructions to make sure it got published. I'd want to travel, I mean like take some trips to some gorgeous beaches and some exotic countries.I would definitely not care about losing weight and try to eat all the delicious food I could get my hands on. Mostly though, I would want to spend time with friends and family, laughing and crying, and telling them how much I love them.Why don't I do all those things now? Well, for one thing, I don't have the money to travel around the world at the moment. I'm already in the middle of writing a few books, I'm blogging about life instead of death. I just need to make sure something gets published though. The eating anything I want bit is not a good idea if I'm going to possibly live long term.But I think the most important thing I could do more of us, is spending time with family and friends, laughing and crying and telling them how much I love them. I don't know when the last time I told someone how much I love them was. I should tell them soon, considering that I'm not the world's best driver and apparently I'm not the world's best eater. One of them could die at any moment too.It might enhance my life if I lived like I was going to die soon.Oh, I forgot perhaps the most important thing I would want to do if I was going to die, I want to meditate very deeply on a regular basis and turn my life into a meditation. I would want to get to know the essence of what I was going towards in my death. I would want to understand the light.I don't believe in hell. Do you? I do believe in reincarnation. So basically I think we keep coming back to life until we get sick of it. That's my theory. Hence the deaths in your past lives.I'm starting to get sick of it. The coming back, the world, the life. Not that I want to die or anything, nothing like that at all. But I'm getting a little sick of the drama, the play. I don't know how many more times I want to come back to all this. I believe there is a better place out there. I think there is essentially a heaven, where pure love resides. Nothing but love.I might get sick of love though. I mean I think it's possible you can literally get loved-out. I mean too much of anything can be a bad thing. And honestly, life can be really funny and fun. It just gets tiring after a while. Same shit, different day.I don't know if you have to get enlightened to stop reincarnating and go to heaven. I don't know anything. I do, however, know that living is weird. I'm not alone in this I think, life is strange, right? I mean things just sort of happen to you and there seems like there is no rhyme or reason for them.There is the theory of karma, that whatever actions you took in your past lives, you have to suffer the consequences in this life. I mean that kind of makes sense. But honestly was I some kind of monster? What the fuck did I do?My life has not been bad or anything, but it's been tough at times. I'm sure yours has too. Do you ever wonder why?They say our soul is on a journey in order to evolve to it's best state. We allegedly go through challenges in order for the evolution of our soul. But what if I decide I don't want to evolve anymore? What if I think I'm evolved enough?I mean the truth is I'm not good enough for heaven or whatever. I make a lot of mistakes, I can be mean, I lie sometimes. But who among us is perfect? I don't see many of these other jokers making it to heaven's door either. For the time being, however, I need to find heaven on earth. Right here right now. Because I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. Hell on earth totally sucks and I don't want to go near it anymore.They say heaven and hell are a state of mind. I'm sure you've heard of hell, maybe you've even been there a couple times. It sucks. It's no good. Stay away. I hear about people living in hellish circumstances, in abusive relationships, war, poverty, sexual violence. Did they do something horrific in their past lives? They don't deserve this, no one does. None of this is fair.I don't care what kind of evolution their soul is up to, we need to stop all this negativity. So how do we plan on creating heaven on earth? To me, violence and economic inequality are the two basic evils of the world. So how did I get here? I was talking about death. Now I'm talking about death in life. The slow dying that many people are doing.I would rather be dead than stuck in some of these circumstances. Not that I'm promoting suicide, but can you blame people? Let them go on to their next life in peace if this one is so bad. Who has the right to judge that? god? He can't be that bad of a guy. Not the god that I think there is.So where is god in all this? If he created everything, he literally created everything. That doesn't look so good on him, I think. If he's responsible for all this crap, why are we constantly praising him? He literally was sitting around and he made up evil, he just created the concept out of thin air. Who does that? I think he got bored with just love so created its opposite, fear.But on the other hand, we tend to think that god is an egomaniac who needs to be constantly told how great he is because we are egomaniacs who want to hear how great we are.  I don't think he wants our praise, his ego is not as big as ours, I think he just wants our love. I mean I guess if you want to praise the thing you love, there is no law against that. Just saying.I'm not mad at god or anything. I don't hate her. But I would like to sit down and have a convo about all this shit. I think the conversation would go something like this: I would say to god, why are you letting all this pain and bad stuff happen? He/She would say that she gave us free will.  Then I would say people keep screwing things up with their ability to do literally, anything. She would say that if she stepped in and tried to change things, or stop people from doing bad things then we would not be using our free will. We would then just be robots following commands. Then she would say that I, as a human being, can change things. Then I would ask her how.That's the extent of the conversation that I know, I don't know how. That's the question I cannot answer. How? How can I, or we, make things better so people would not rather die than live life on earth?Maybe it starts with this dialogue. Maybe you have an idea.Let's think about it. Let's do it before we die.By the way, that could happen any day now. Let's do this now.nina