Hallucination

I had a hallucination about a yellow piece of paperflapping in the wind, as I waved goodbye to a thousand peopleI didn't know. where are my pills? why is there blue, in my eyes?don't ever tame that wildness in your bellysuck on a toothpick if it scares you to be this way.I dream about your elbows and the way theybend in my presence. that small crevice at the napeof your neck, it's where my lips live, an envelope I am sealed into.you licked me closed with your tongue.I'm tired, tired of talking about the sun,they say not to look at it,blindness will make you fall down.I know how to possess joyby sitting with my eyes closeddon't you dare make a sound.you hold a little girl in your pocketand call her by my name.you whisper, you think I can't hear youbut I laugh out loud...I laugh for long.I'm so hungry I don't want to eatI'm living between commasin an essay about to me.When you hold me you are my only ticket tothe train in my head. Traffic lights stop me from crashingon the highway to the sky with a helium balloonpopping, in the wind.things go up, things go downdon't try to understand themjust try to be found.I was once a dancer, a ballerina wholiked the sound of the way you say Sand the way I don't. I don't say your name backwards,saying each other as if we can be said.our words are an anthem, we divide ourselves intosentences so someone can speak to us in song.we are like mannequins at a department store windowplastic arms waving with no soul,wearing expensive clothes.we've checked all the right boxesand filled out all the required formswe should legitimately exist now but we still stand in linewaiting for them to call our number on stageso we can bow while no one claps.most of us are singing from the back rowwhile the piano finishes our silent songwe are probably going to shout about nowlisten closely or sing along.you don't have to know the wordssay it with me, you are more than what can be said.your face looks like any facewhy do we recognize the difference between humansbut most bears and squirrels all look the same?if we are all animals why do we pretend there are godsamong us, why do we love as if someone can save us?love will not save us, it will kill us on the same day itmakes us finally alive. you are a bee and I am the honeywhere is our queen so we can finally die.nina