Inspire Me
So I’m trying to get inspired. I’ve been feeling uninspired lately. I don’t feel that creative energy I often feel when I am writing. I wonder where it went. I met a famous author in grad school once, Michael Cunningham, he wrote The Hours. I remember him saying something very profound in his talk. He said that genius is not something that someone possesses. It is something that is in the air and available to everyone. You have to channel that genius.
I feel like my channeling system is broken. My muse is missing. A lot of other things are going great in my life. I have tons of energy and have been getting so much done at home and work. I’m working out, I’m eating well, I’m meditating. But my creative juices are not flowing the way they sometimes do.
Usually, when this happens, I stop writing. Which is a big mistake. I believe in diligence and practice, I must practice writing whether or not it is flowing well. I must do the work and inspiration will come. Inspiration or genius is not just sitting there waiting for you to call out its name. It is channeled through hard work.
You have to write a lot of shit before you can write a good thing. Just like you have to sing a lot of bad songs until you come up with a good one. It’s true in any art form. Hemingway said you have to have a good shit detector.
It is hard to be revolted by the smell of your own shit. Our bodies and minds are designed that way in order to tolerate ourselves when we are ejecting our waste. Recognizing when you are spewing shit is crucial in any profession, especially the arts.
I’m not very familiar with other arts, but I will tell you that in writing sometimes it comes out almost perfectly. But more times than not, there needs to be editing done to make it perfect. And even then it is never perfect. What is perfect anyways? Is there such a thing? I think it is a fictitious notion. Nothing is really perfect except maybe our souls, except maybe us. We are perfect just the way we are.
As for art, it is much like beauty, it is often in the eyes of the beholder or the creator. You can create something beautiful and it can seem imperfect to someone, but isn’t beauty perfection in itself? Isn’t it subjective?
Having said all that, I want to create beautiful writing I guess. Or at least thought-provoking and interesting writing. It can be a struggle. Because another thing about beauty is that it is rare, that is why we revere it so much.
I strive to be original, but what am I going to say that has not been said before? I feel like you can always invent something and create something new, however you are so heavily influenced by things that are old. It seems I am adding to the conversation that already exists instead of starting a new conversation. I guess that’s OK. Maybe there is a way to start something new as well.
I like to think I am a completely original person, however, I am also a product of culture and upbringing. As much as I have created the way I am, I have also learned to be the way I am. I want to be myself though, totally and originally. What does that even mean, to be yourself?
How can you be anything other than yourself? If you are copying someone else, that is still yourself. I do believe we came on earth to create who we are and who we want to be. But I often wonder who that person really is.
I want to be a messenger of some sort, a truth teller, but what is my truth? What is my message? I think part of my message is that everyone has a message, everyone has a truth. We should honor that.
Yesterday, I received more views on my blog than I have ever had before. 893 views in one day. That may not be a whole lot in the whole scheme of things, however, I am very proud of this. I am fascinated by this idea that I can speak to people all around the world just by sitting on my couch here in the U.S.
It’s like the butterfly effect. Everything anyone does, even a butterfly flapping its wings, creates something else that creates something else and on and on and on. I want to have an effect on people, but is that just my own ego? Do you I just want them to think about me? I would rather actually direct them to think about themselves.
Think of yourself. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Are you who you want to be?
Notice I didn’t ask what do you want to do? Because it matters less what you do than who you are when you do it. Do you want to be compassionate? You don’t have to go to a soup kitchen and serve the homeless, although that is great. But you can start by just trying to understand where a friend is coming from and what their life is like.
If you want to be compassionate, you have to first make that decision and then the things you do will become compassionate. We often think the opposite. That if we do certain things we will become certain things. Like happy. If you want to be happy, decide to be happy then you will do things that a happy person does.
Who I am is my decision. It is just as important, if not more, as what I do.
So I guess this all goes back to the fact that I want to be inspired. I guess I have to decide that I am inspired and then do things that inspired people do. I will probably think profound thoughts the moment I decide that I am an inspired person.
You know what inspires me? This. Talking about inspiration itself inspires me. It gives me life.
I want to inspire you, whoever you are.
I want to inspire you to be better. To live better.
What inspires you?
Be that.
nina
