The Tree
I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna do any of it. I don’t wanna write. I don’t wanna think. I don’t wanna meditate. I definitely don’t wanna work out.
What do I wanna do?
I want to sit here and do nothing. Just bathe in the nothing of it all. I want to be nothing. To sit by the window and stare at the world and be absolutely no one. To be absolutely still. I want to be free of all these responsibilities, all these chores. So many things to do and things to be.
Sometimes I just want to be completely empty, empty of all thought. I just want to look at that tree outside and see the whole world, the whole universe in the tree without leaves in the winter snow.
I think I could understand life if I understood that tree. I think trees know everything. They have been here a lot longer than I have. They don’t even have to move to say something. What are they saying? They are saying hello, we know. We know.
I read somewhere that trees have this emotional network of roots that warns other trees of natural disasters etc. I cannot verify if this is true, but it seems that plants have a personality. They respond and grow better around music and good vibrations from loving people. If that isn’t a personality than I don’t know what is.
Could there be an element of consciousness in a tree? I guess it depends on what you call consciousness. They may not have the complex understanding that we do with our nervous system etc., however, they know something, perhaps something we don’t know.
If you could have a conversation with a tree you see every day what would you say? I think I would ask it if I am doing OK? Why am I so insecure that I have to ask a tree? Because I feel like the tree can really understand me, in a way that maybe I cannot even understand myself.
It watches me every day, every moment. It sees me, it really sees me. It doesn’t go anywhere, it’s not on its phone scrolling through social media. It is just providing oxygen and loving the earth. Perhaps even loving me.
I just a saw a video online of a man who built a very elaborate tree house with a bedroom and a shower and a hot tub. It looked so amazing, and the most amazing part was the fact that it was all attached to trees, in the middle of the woods.
Sometimes I feel like I need to be closer to nature. That somehow my real nature will come out when I am hiking in the woods or just breathing in the forest. In some Asian cultures, they consider walking in the woods a form of bathing. I think its bathing the soul.
Even in the dead of the winter, when there are no leaves on the trees, those suckers are still alive somehow. They live through negative temperatures, those trees, they live through rain, snow, and sleet. They live through all my birthdays and all my anniversaries.
I want to be fit enough to climb the tree I’m staring at one day. I want to get to the top, and just the see the world through that perspective. It must be grand to see the world from up there. Trees are mighty. They are like kings and queens.
I want to talk to this tree, ask it how it has been all these years. Tell it I’m sorry that I ignored it for so long. That sometimes I stare out the window and don’t even notice it because I’m so wrapped up in my own thoughts.
Everything is about perspective. From space, the tree is a mini-dot, a spec in the universe, as am I. But compared to me, it is tall and grand and holds the whole world in its trunk.
Maybe in my next life, I will choose to be a tree. It seems ridiculous or even boring, to stand there for centuries. However, a tree does not have to do anything. It doesn’t have to be anything. It just is. It is OK in and of itself just as it is.
I want to be that peaceful. I want to be that free. To just stand there, doing nothing but being a tree. Does that sound crazy? Like maybe I’m losing my mind? I don’t know, maybe I’m finally finding my mind.
The tree has no agenda, no work, it doesn’t have to prove itself to feel worthy. Why do I?
If I was just allowed to breathe, really breathe, and no one had any expectations of me, maybe I would flourish. Maybe I would stand taller. Maybe I would be happy.
I can learn so much from this tree.
nina
