Random Musings About Money$$
Oh jeez, another day, another dollar, dollar spent that is. Everything costs money, I’m surprised I’m not charged for breathing. There is almost nowhere you can go, or anything you can do, without having to spend money. I could go to the library, but I owe them money for overdue books. Money, money, money. What to do with it? What to do without it?
At the moment I’m looking for new full-time jobs for the fall, when the school year begins, for teaching positions at a college or university. I’m expecting they will start me at a reasonable salary. I’m assuming someone will hire me.
And of course, I’m doing all this, all this work and getting a job and actually going to that job and working, in order to have money. The things we do for money. What won’t we do for money? Sometimes, is it just me, or does it seem like it’s all for money? All of it. Everything we do.
I’m writing this very blog so that sometime soon I will be able to sell you a book on this blog and make some money. But really that’s not the only reason, but kind of the end reason, why I’m doing it. Think about what you are doing right now. Is it in anyway related to you getting some money? If it is, does this make you happy?
We somehow translate getting a lot of money, to getting really happy. There is somewhat of a correlation, isn’t there? I mean I can’t eat the food I want, go out with my friends, watch movies, buy clothes, even drive my car, without money. The fact that even driving my car costs me dollars for gas, irritates me.
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
Is there anything I can do in this life that doesn’t cost me a dime? The only thing I can think of that doesn’t have to do with either me spending or making money, is meditating. However, I have considered buying online guided meditation tutorials etc.
Life has more meaning than money, I know it does. But somehow, without it, we have nothing. And in some ways, it really is nothing. It is just paper, that is symbolic of something that’s worth something. Does it represent gold, I forgot. I don’t really understand how money works. All I know is, I do want more. But the things is, I won’t do just anything for money.
I went into writing, or the arts, knowing full well that it is difficult to make money doing this. That does not mean I do not want or like money. All it means is that I am taking a risk. I also got a Master’s Degree so that I could make money with an actual job, should the writing thing take longer to make money at.
How important is money to you? Or more importantly, what would you do for money? What are you doing for money? What are you willing to do for money? I remember watching a Woody Allen film a long time ago, and this guy got paid five thousand dollars to kill someone. Now this was back when five thousand dollars was worth more than it is now. But the thing is, he was willing to kill for that money.
You know those hypothetical questions, like would you take a million dollars if you knew someone who you didn’t know was going to be tortured to death? Would you? I’d like to say I wouldn’t. People are tortured every day whether I get a million dollars or not. But I would not want to be the cause of that. I would not want to hurt people or animals for money.
But what extent would I go? The huge multinational bank I keep my money in is probably doing something to fund someone who is destroying and killing someone else. I know this is probably a fact. I know that credit unions are less corrupt and I could put my money in one of those. But if the banks fail, I trust these super big banks more than the little mom and pop shops. So whether I’m totally aware of it or not, I’m willing to invest in corruption.
I buy iPhone’s that are probably exploiting some poor people who make them. I buy meat when I am totally aware of the fact that the animals are being tortured to death. Why don’t I care enough about these things to do something?
I’ll be honest, I’m busy trying to make a buck. I’m at work or I’m writing to eventually make money. I’m not always paying attention to the hypocrisies of where my money is going. My whole life is centered around this ability to wear this pretty sweater that I’m wearing and drink this expensive coffee from Starbucks.
I have a new outlook on spending money on clothes, since I’m trying to lose weight, I’ve needed smaller sizes in clothing, but I’m not at my goal weight yet. So in the interim, I’m buying clothes from thrift stores. I got like eight really nice tops for fifty dollars the other day. That’s a whole new spring wardrobe. If I had bought those clothes new, I would have spent hundreds of dollars.
The thing is, once I go back to a size and stay at it, I will probably stop going to thrift stores. I will want to go to department stores again and pay outrageous money for clothes that cost less than a dollar to make. Why do I do that? I’m not sure, but I don’t think I’m alone in this.
We are all working to buy expensive, nice things, that we don’t really, really, truly need. I could have got a used car, but I like my leased Subaru, because it’s a lease I will get a new car in six months from now. I’m at work right now, partly so I can pay off that lease.
There has got to me something more to life than this game of money. What are we all doing? Why are we all doing it for money? What is the money even getting us? I always think that if I had millions of dollars I would still buy stuff on sale and then I would start a non-profit organization and spend my money on that.
Would I really do that though? If I could just buy new stuff that wasn’t on sale, would I? Would I spend a thousand dollars on shoes, when there are those dying without shoes? I remember in the movie, Schindler’s List, at the end when Schindler is confronted by all the people he saved in the Holocaust, he looks at a gold pin he is wearing and says that he should have traded that pin in to save a few more lives, and he begins crying.
I want to be that person. If I ever get money, I promise to myself, here and now, that I will use it wisely and try to get the best out of it. I say that, but everything is relative. I will probably stop shopping at second-hand stores, I will probably buy a pair of boots for a couple hundred dollars. I might even buy a leather jacket that is not only expensive, but it cost an animal its life.
Look I’m trying to be the best person I can be. I want to give that dollar to the man on the street who doesn’t have anything to eat. I don’t care if he spends it on booze, I want to do my part. There are questions coming up in the government about whether or not it is fair that billionaire’s exist.
I’m not sure. Bill Gates is a billionaire and he has done so much for the world, and given so much money to do so much good. That is fair. He is using his fair share to help people. Jeff Bezos is not. But I buy stuff from Amazon almost every week and put money in Bezos’s pocket.
We are feeding this monsters. Because we want to be fed.
I want to be better with my money, spend less, earn more, give more. Is this the best I can do? Do I really need this four dollar coffee? Do I need this new six-hundred dollar phone?
I like this stuff. It makes life more bearable. It may not be worth my money, but I feel like I actually need some of this stuff.
I’m not sure when I will be at peace with money. I just know, money does not give me peace.
nina