Psych Ward
This one is enough for those of us on the edge.
They ask me my name and I won’t say it for them.
They ask me what shoes I would wear
and I can’t answer in sentences anymore.
I wear my face on a pendant on my neck.
I wear pantyhose that shimmer when I bend.
They tell me to take off my clothes
and that they will search for my insanity.
It’s in my left arm, I try to tell them
but it’s too late, they search my right one.
I tell them you have the wrong person
I’m not the crazy lady next door, I’m in this room too.
I’m the painter who doesn’t understand color,
I’m the singer who doesn’t remember the lyrics.
I’m the chef who can’t taste the pepper in my pepper,
I’m the sculptor without an idea.
Don’t you see I’m an artist with no art?
I’m a human that does not know what being means.
I’m a dancer with a slow foot.
I cannot even stand in this oppressive room.
Don’t you see I belong in the wind
with dandelions, daisies, and lilacs.
Swimming in the ocean without breathing
I have finally come up for air.
I cannot sit in a room all day
I need to feel the sun on my face.
I need to know that there is a universe.
Behind your eyes, I see the moon.
I see you, why can’t you see me?
I exist too, I’m not just a name on a chart.
I am not a diagnosis with a prescription.
Don’t look at me like I’m a corpse.
I say things, I can even move my head.
I can see in your direction
I know my own name.
Don’t act as if you introduced me to myself.
Don’t look at me like I’m nothing
like I don’t deserve the whole world
in a bucket, with a glass of ice.
I want to drink it all up too.
Don’t you see I am you?
Without your frilly shirt and your high heels
I am you when you say words that are not words.
When you cry at things that should be laughed at.
You are almost like a mother to me,
you standing there with your glasses and your clipboard.
You talk to me as if I’m in your room
but you don’t own this space, you don’t own any part of me.
You can lock a door and spit on me
put me in a cage and then deny me water.
You can do all the things that make a monster of me,
but I will survive, I will still say, I will still be.
Without me, you are not the opposite of me.
You are me if I am not in this room.
You are afraid I have an identity that will call you
by your real name, you are afraid I will be you.
nina