I Woke Up Before 5 Today
I was awake before five today, I’m not sure exactly why. I decided to come to Starbucks because is literally the only place that is open at this hour. I’m staying at my sister’s place in Royal Oak, a cute little city outside of Detroit. The streets were empty and I got a parking spot right next to the door.
When I came in the women working here were so chirpy and happy, I was a little surprised, I mean it is around five in the morning. It felt like they were giving me a big hug. In the quiet of mornings like this, I wonder what I’m doing with my life.
I mean what am I really doing? There is a part of me that thinks I should be in a third world country helping battered women. I have thought of going to India at some point and teaching poor women English so they can get better jobs. Everyone knows English in India and I’m sure knowledge of it can lead to better employment.
But let’s face the reality that I’m here, in America, and I haven’t been to India in a long time. I suppose I’m doing the best I can with my life. I’m currently tutoring at-risk kids who are in the Juvenile Probation system. These are troubled kids who have committed a crime and need help with their studies.
I guess I’m trying my best to do what I can to be useful in this life. I would really like to be of more service. But what to do? I used to dream of opening up a school. I think that might be too big a venture for me, but I have thought often of starting a spiritual center in the middle of a community that especially geared towards spiritual endeavors.
I mean ideally I want my own island but it might just be a pipe dream. Who knows? Another dream I have is traveling the world. I am also very drawn to India, I could see myself doing a book tour there and maybe be a guest lecturer there at a university.
I have a lot of dreams, as we all do. I guess the question is, how does one make their dreams come true? I think you can. I think it again starts with thought, word, deed. I think if you think you can do something, you can. Then if you say you can do it, it will also help. And finally doing things to make it happen seals deal.
I think I can write a book that will sell well and get good critical claim. I am currently saying this on paper. And what I’m doing is writing a blog almost every day and trying to get one book published that I will sell on the blog and one that I will publish professionally.
I just put that out there in the universe. What do you want to put in the universe? Think about it. Do it.
I think this is the formula that works in the universe and we all have access to it. As I’ve gotten older it has occurred to me more and more that my fate lies in my own hands. I create my destiny. That also means responding to the events and situations I cannot change with grace. Everything is not always going my way, and I am learning to handle that. But I know that what I do now will create what will be in the future. What I do now will also create how the now is.
As I’m getting older I have also recognized that life is only getting better. I’m not as insecure as I was in my youth and I have an understanding of life that I would not give for anything. I think things can only get better as I age. Sure I will begin to get wrinkles and my body may start failing me, but if I try to stay healthy, I can even make these things better.
But even more important than the future, is right now. What is happening right now and how can I enjoy and appreciate that? I have decided to start writing down a few things I’m grateful for every day, creating new things every day.
Right now I am grateful for this fantastic 65 degrees weather we are having and the beautiful sun. I’m grateful for having good friends, I’m seeing Hotel Mumbai, a new movie, with a friend tonight. I’m also grateful for delicious food, I’m going to a new restaurant that opened up around my house tonight.
What are you grateful for? Think about it, write it down. It can rewire your brain to look for things in life that make you happy.
And isn’t that what we all want, happiness? The question is always, how do I get there? How do I stay there once I get there? The answers are inside us. I have doubled my meditation time to one hour and I find it exhilarating. I find answers to many questions that I have about my life are answered during these meditations.
In the past few days, I’ve realized that life is more mysterious and exciting than it is dull and boring. And it’s just getting better and better.
nina