Back On Track!
So I’m back on track, info for anyone following my blog who was worried that I had fallen off the wagon diet wise. I worked out this morning, and by workout I mean I walked for almost an hour, that is as close to ‘working-out’ as I may ever get. I’m eating healthy as per usual with no unusual cravings.
I’m pointing this out because it makes me feel better to know that just because I had a bad food day doesn’t mean I will throw it all away because it’s all over. I have that fear that this could happen, but I will make sure it doesn’t. I write about it in order to keep myself accountable.
I’ve heard that relapse is part of the process of getting over an addiction. But in the case of food, a relapse can be one item, like a piece of cake, or one meal, or one bad food day. Yesterday was a bad food day all day, I ate chips at work and then I went home and had a huge banana nut muffin and a piece of delicious cornbread.
When you are addicted to food, unlike other substances, you cannot give it up altogether. Luckily I think. I don’t want to have to give up food altogether. Like shopping, my new addiction that I’m working on. I haven’t stopped shopping, but I have lessened it to a great degree.
As they say, everything in moderation.
I don’t know how other addicts actually survive just totally giving it up. Who would I even be if I could give up food? Or shopping for that matter. I have these delusions of grandeur where I think I will become this famous writer one day and will not be able to go to a restaurant or go shopping without wearing like a burka or something to disguise myself.
I remember reading a fictional account of Elvis once where this guy was like, all he ever wanted to do was just sit at a donut shop in peace and eat a donut. Not that I really feel bad for celebrities or anything, but apparently they have feelings too. Apparently being rich and famous often makes people addicts.
So if that’s not the way to happiness, then what pray tell, is?
I’ll tell you what isn’t the way to happiness, not dealing with your addictions. I haven’t totally dealt with my shopping addiction yet, but I did have an extra two hours around work because one of my students canceled, and I did not go shopping, instead, I’m at Starbucks writing right now. This is a step.
I don’t like to think about how hard it is sometimes to deal with my food addiction. I have a very huge fear of failure and that’s all I can think about when I think about eating food that is bad for me. The thought itself gives me anxiety. You may think this is a good thing, but not really. I would rather not feel anxious and just do the right thing cause it’s better, not because I’m afraid. Living in fear is not living.
I don’t usually think too much about food unless I’m thinking too much about food, which I am at this moment because I’m writing about it. I felt sick after eating that huge muffin last night, I felt like physically weird, not just guilty. My body is not used to eating that much sugar and fat.
I mean this in all sincerity, the act of eating is so fast, that honestly, the short pleasure is not worth the long life of pain. It’s just this quick high, then it’s gone. Being in good shape not only makes you feel attractive, but it makes you more energetic and full of life. It makes you want to really live.
I still eat tasty food. In fact, all the food I eat tastes good to me. I’m a food snob. I’m not someone who can just eat crappy food and just be full and fine about it. I’m a foodie. So I don’t eat carbs all week, except for one meal and one dessert a week, and I eat smaller portions. I also eat a lot of protein.
But I’m doing good with all this. For example, I’m at Starbucks, I used to order a large iced coffee with vanilla sweet cream. I don’t even know how much sugar and fat I was consuming in that one drink alone. Then add to it some kind of sandwich. The bread alone would throw me off my plan right now.
But I’m sitting here drinking a decaf iced coffee mixed with a caramel protein shake and I’m not craving all that bullshit I used to have at all. I’m not even mad about it. I’m just not focused on it. I’m more happy about the fact that I fit into an old pair of jeans this morning that are about ten years old. They are not really in style anymore, but I’m gonna wear them one day anyways just cause I finally fit into them. I’ve been trying for a couple of months.
I think I might hit my goal weight by my birthday in December if everything goes according to plan. I’m throwing myself a birthday party so I can show off my new body. I’m already excited about it. That is much more fulfilling than an iced coffee with vanilla sweet cream. Caramel shakes in coffee is the best by the way.
You know that saying, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I don’t want to be ‘skinny’ though. I have never been overly thin. I want to be a normal, healthy size with some curves. So enough about me. What’s going on with you. Drop me a line in the comments or on Facebook. I would love to hear from people who are going through a similar journey or any journey for that matter.
Thanks,
nina