You Are Beautiful
So I remember about a year ago, I had a breast cancer scare. They saw something fishy on my mammogram and decided to do a biopsy. I remember the day I went to the hospital to see the results of my biopsy. To see if I had breast cancer or not.
I was at my heaviest weight then, and I even remember what I was wearing, this fuchsia top with a long black skirt. I walked into the hospital and this black woman looked over at me and said, “Wow, you are beautiful!”
“What?” I asked, not believing what I had heard.
She repeated herself, “You are beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I said wanting to hug her. I’m about to find out if I have cancer, thank you for making my day.
I walked slowly into the waiting room of the doctor’s office. I looked around at all the women that were there, were they all waiting for a diagnosis? Did some of them have cancer? Was I going to be one of them?
I had it all planned out. If I had to get a mastectomy, I would get breast implants. If I lost all my hair, I would wear wigs. But what if I died? I had no plan for that.
My doctor was an Indian woman who looked younger than me. She was peppy for a person who goes around diagnosing breast cancer all day. She looked at me and smiled and said that I was OK, no worries. Everything was fine.
I finally breathed out.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the sink and I thought to myself, you are beautiful. You are safe. You are not sick. You can live now.
It was around that time that I started to take my weight loss journey more seriously. I knew that one of the reasons I had extra problems in my breasts could be because of my weight. I stared at the pretty young Indian surgeon and wanted to hug her. I felt like maybe she helped to save me.
When I thought that there was a possibility that I had breast cancer, I firmly believed that the test would come out negative and I would be fine. I truly believe in positive thinking. I put positive thoughts out to the universe.
But I did contemplate what life would be like if I did have cancer. I pictured myself having to get my breasts removed. I pictured myself bald. I pictured myself ugly.
But having cancer does not make you ugly. Either does gaining weight. Ugly people are those people who cannot see the beauty in other people or themselves. Ugliness is a state of mind, not physical appearance.
I am not ugly now. I was not ugly then. I have never been ugly.
It was only when I started to see myself as beautiful that I really started my weight loss journey. I had to love my body, myself and where I was at in order to move forward.
I still have a ways to go, but now I am sure that I am beautiful, and I will never forget what that woman said to me that day.
Never underestimate how you can change a stranger’s life.
nina