If I Had A Gun--Repost
Tuesday,August 25, 2009
If I had a gun...
OK let’s talk about guns. OK not really. Let’s talk indirectly about guns. Let’s talk about imaginary guns.
I met a guy, OK, “met” is not exactly the word. I once encountered an individual who was stark raving mad crazy and owned an imaginary gun. It was the first week I moved to New York in the year 2000.
See the things is; imaginary guns have always been legal. That guy with the finger in his pocket, the one you saw in a movie on TNT, he’s real. A gun is easier to fake than an orgasm.
Me and my gay neighbor were in the subway, he was the first friend I made in New York. But he had just moved from Oklahoma and I had just moved from Michigan. Do I need to explain that statement?
I never called my gay neighbor back when he called to see if I was OK on 911. He was a good guy and I am not a good person.
Besides the point, but fake guns were made to be shot at people like me. Oh, I deserved it. I don’t know why I just get this feeling like I deserved it. Is that low self-worth or the truth?
“If I had a gun,” the crazy man sitting in front of me on the subway at night said directly to my face, “you’d be the first person I’d shoot.”
I sat there and said nothing. Did nothing. I was sitting in the handicapped chair and he was handicapped and he was mad that I, an able-bodied woman, was sitting in the handicapped chair. Mind you I was in the wrong, I have a father who is blind, I understand disability.
But he threatened to kill me, really loudly, over and over again, he kept saying the same thing, “If I had a gun you’d be the first person I’d shoot!” He clearly had no gun. No access to a gun. There was no violence in his crippled body. His voice, his voice I will never forget.
The disabled are brilliant…my blind father can recognize a person from their voice. That man recognized an idiot by the way I was staring into space, stone cold. I was sitting my privileged beautiful ass in the handicapped seat.
Did he somehow know I had a Blockbuster fine of thirty dollars that I NEVER intend to pay? Did he know I don’t recycle? Did he “Know that I’m no good..."(Say what you want about Amy Winehouse but she is a genius).
I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m such a horrible human being.
But the man knew my secret self. He knew I was egotistical and wanted to be a really famous writer one day. He knew I wanted to make lots of money. He knew people like me.
And if He had a gun…
God, who would you shoot?
I mean excuse me, who are you gonna shoot next?
Bang.
Someone in the world just died.
Don’t fuckin’ tell me guns are good.
nina