Today's Thoughts...
So I’m just hangin out, I’m having a couple people over tonight and we are going to make dinner, stuffed shells in particular. I have this great recipe that always turns out delicious. I don’t cook, like ever, but I think I should. I can’t believe I lost over 100 pounds without cooking. What’s wrong with me?
I like to socialize, I wonder if I spend too much time doing that though. I don’t know, what’s too much? I like to hang. I put myself on one dating site, but I find that I don’t like the guys who contact me, so I’m going to have to start contacting dudes that I like.
I haven’t started officially talking to anyone yet, but I’m not spending enough time trying either. I’m not really excited about dating, nor am I nervous. I feel very neutral about the whole thing. I mean in a way I’m looking forward to it, and I’m trying not to dread going on disastrous dates. These two extreme feelings sort of cancel each other out making me not feel much at all about dating.
What I am really looking forward to is being in a good relationship. I asked my therapist if I am too picky, she said no, there is no such thing. Being in a toxic relationship is worse than being alone. I am looking forward to not being alone, but it’s really not that bad actually. I am OK just being single, but I know that I want to share myself and my life with someone.
On another note, I don’t understand the weather app sometimes. It is currently raining in my backyard and I wanted to go water the flowers, but according to my weather app it’s sunny. How can they be that inaccurate, it’s literally raining outside my window.
It’s one of those days where you want to think about nothing and everything all at the same time. I’ve made an executive decision as well. If you follow my blog you may have noticed that I have not posted in a couple of days. Well, I have decided I’m only going to write a new blog like three times a week and then post two other old blogs. I can’t do it every day anymore.
I almost made it to one year where I posted almost every single day. But now I feel like there are other forms of writing that I’m trying to finish that are not getting done because I blog so much. Hopefully, my blog book will be up and running soon.
It’s like I’m at this place in my life where I feel content, but also know that I can do better. Do better for myself. Like I was reading this issue of Time Magazine yesterday on Mindfulness. It’s a great read and it gave me some insight into the fact that I am not sure where my time is going. Why don’t I read as much as I want to? I’m starting to think that social media and television is sucking the extra time out of my life where I could be doing more interesting and important things.
I feel like I don’t have control over my time, which really bugs me. In this way, I feel overwhelmed with stuff I ‘should’ do. I should apply for more jobs as colleges to get more classes. I should exercise. I’m getting anxious about everything that I should be doing.
I guess I want to ask myself, what is it that I want to do? How do I want to spend my time? I realize there are things that will make my life better, but I have to also think about things that make my life good right now. It’s hard to balance those two things. Like what will make me happy right now, and what should I do for my long term happiness? Too many choices.
Like maybe I have enough work in terms of classes and tutoring and don’t need any more jobs because I should focus on my writing as well. It’s funny how things just become clearer when you write them down.
It was nice to take a break for a few days from writing, but I also think I may have missed it a little bit. There’s this way in which I get to know myself better when I write. I figure things out by doing this. I’m in this mode where I feel like I have much to still figure out.
I’m in this mindset again where I want to read about spirituality and really try to decide at every moment, everything that I do, I want to ask myself the question: Is this furthering the agenda of my soul? I got that question from Neale Donald Walsch.
I’m sitting at the car dealer, getting an oil change that is very overdue. Trust me if my car doesn’t work, it’s not good for the agenda of my soul. I want to be a mover and a shaker and go places in life. I’m in a good place but I think that I do need to write consistently, otherwise I lose something deep inside me, something is not right.
So here I am, professing my mundane jargon. Telling you the tiny details of my tiny life.
Thank you for listening.
nina