Rest
I didn’t know how badly I needed to sit, quietly
until it became the law for me to shut up and sit down in my room.
Stop talking to all the people, all the small talk about nothing.
Stop driving for hours going nowhere.
Stop all the alarm clocks and breathe in instead.
Spend half an hour watching a butterfly.
Make my own cacoon, so one day I can fly
but right now, sleep, close my eyes, rest.
I needed to find myself, in the quiet rooms
that only I occupy. The quiet staircase.
Only when I jumped off the treadmill
when they pushed me off and I fell on my face,
only then did I realize that I was bleeding.
That I had been bleeding for some time now.
I am tending to my wounds
What are you doing?
Who are you when I’m not there to watch you be?
Who am I when there is no one watching me?
I am surprised at how tired I am
but should I be? I have been walking
at a pace that is too fast to allow me to breathe
with any dignity. All I want to do now is breathe.
Will you breathe with me? Will you breathe for me
in case I don’t die and actually have to live
in this new place where I have nothing but time
to stare at my own face and wonder what I look like.
I don’t wear any make-up or a bra and I’m still a human
being who hums to the music in her own head.
The music is making more sense lately
The sounds filling the spaces in my mind where there used to be noise.
nina