To Be Or What To Be?
What I have realized these last couple of weeks being in quarantine is how easy it is to waste time. I’m actually impressed with my ability to not accomplish anything of real importance on a regular basis. I’ve watched a lot of Netflix. I’m still teaching online classes, but besides that, I’m napping quite a bit. I’ve just this week forced myself to take a walk outside every day and I am making myself do aerobics via youtube.
I know I’m not required to write the Great American Novel right now, although I could perhaps pretend I’m an artist in residence, but the problem is psychological. I know the truth. I don’t want this. Not like this.
However, this is what is. And the one lesson I have learned from my spiritual readings and understandings is that accepting what is is the only way to freedom. So this is happening.
You all, this is really happening.
So what are we going to do about it?
I personally, have slowed down. I realized how fast I was moving, driving two to three hours a day commuting, working two part-time jobs. I spent very little time staring into space. I forgot, I forgot after I got over my depression how much a part of me is fully realized by being completely bored.
And I am bored.
That is for sure. But they say that it is actually psychologically imperative to spend some time being bored. In fact, great creativity allegedly happens in these quiet moments.
So I’m being more quiet. I like to talk. I like to be around people. But I realize that perhaps I haven’t spent enough time with myself. I hate to sound cliche and make a mockery of all the death and economic destruction that’s happening all around me, but I’m going to take this moment to look at who I am.
Photo by
on
Who am I in this storm? I don’t want to react to this, I want to respond. Reacting is just doing things out of fear and doing what you have done in the past in a similar situation. I want to respond instead with thoughtfulness. I want to create a response that fits this situation and expresses who I really am.
And who is that?
I guess the reason I’m writing this is to reach out and maybe find out. I want to tell other people how I’m dealing with this so maybe it might give them an insight on how to deal with whatever is happening in their life. Maybe you can help me also figure out who it is I really am.
I am currently under the thought that gratefulness cures everything. Things could be worse in my life. Even if I lose my job, I will be OK. I was reminded by someone on Facebook that Anne Frank was stuck in a tiny room with tons of people hiding from the Nazis for much longer than we have been in quarantine. They didn’t have enough food.
I have too much food in this situation. I have too much time and luxury and Netflix shows to watch. Yes, I have finally realized that my little party with myself is over and I need to do something productive. But the times and days I don’t get anything in particular done, I’m still OK.
Because we live in a society that is obsessed with doing. We have been asked to stop doing everything we are usually doing. But no one has asked us, and have we really asked ourselves, who are we being?
Who are we in all of this? Are we going to pick up those that lose everything in all of this? Are we going to be a society that cares about those most affected, those who lose loved ones, those who are most vulnerable?
Are we going to fight and get up and vote once we can, for leaders who care about the economic inequality that this virus has brought to our attention? But that is a bigger issue, maybe for a later day.
Photo by
on
But today, don’t constantly ask yourself, what am I going to do? Don't chastise yourself for not doing anything at all.
Ask yourself, who am I going to be? Who do I decide I’m going to be right now?
Am I going to be peaceful and enjoy this break from traffic and boring office work and the mundane nature of my overly booked regular life? Am I going to take a moment? Am I going to ask myself, what do I really want out of life? What is important to me?
Am I going to decide to be happy? Am I going to decide that maybe the way I was living my life before all this happened isn’t exactly turning me into the person I want to be?
Who do I want to be anyways?
For me, I want to be happy, peaceful, joyous, healthy and a little wealthy, I’m not going to lie. This may be a time to think about what I can do to make these things my reality.
This is a time to be.
Be.
You will not only discover yourself but create who you want to be.
This may be the only time we ever have to do that.
nina