September 11th and Coronavirus---NYC

You know what Corona life is very much like? Life after September 11th in New York City. I was there in 2001 that day. I have a friend who lives in New York and I am posting pictures she took of New York City today.

On 9/11 all the restaurants closed, people were afraid to walk outside. People were dying everywhere. I’m not an expert in the field of national disasters, but let me give you my humble opinion on how to cope in the middle of a war. 

The first thing I would say to do is go on with your life. I know that sounds kind of simple, but it is not as obvious when devastating things happen in your life. It is hard to act normal. To get up and drink your coffee and brush your teeth. When the world looks like it’s ending, it’s important to sometimes cling to your rituals, they help to ground you. 

On 9/11, I was in grad school at Columbia University, five miles from the attacks. I walked to the bookstore that day to get a book for class because that was what I was supposed to do. I had to do something, so I chose to stick to my original plans for that day. And oddly, that gave me some sense of purpose and normalcy. 

I did not sit around the TV and watch the coverage of the attacks. I never, hardly ever, watched any TV news coverage of the 9/11 events because it was happening in my backyard, I did not need to intensify this experience. I would advise everyone to watch as little news as possible. Keep up, but keep it short. 

I say this as my parents have the news on in the background as we speak. I don’t think that is healthy. I know there were people living in like Minnesota who were more upset about the September 11th attacks than I was because they watched so much news coverage of it. 

I used to walk down the street in New York during that time and see signs of ‘missing people,’ pictures of beautiful people that were most likely dead. I went to one candlelight vigil for those who died and recognized that one vigil was enough, I had to keep my sanity. 

And how did I do that? Especially considering that I have a mental illness? I went on with my life. I didn’t think about it if I didn’t have to. I did things that were important to me in my life for myself. 

Call it self care. That is what I’m doing now. 

Writing is what I did after September 11th, writing got me through that. I did some of my best work in graduate school. Writing is carrying me through now. I have never in my life been this inspired to write except for one time, the time after September 11th. Isn't that interesting?

I think it is because when things like this happen you let down all your superficial guards and you just let yourself be real and you are able to speak your truth, as they say, quietly and clearly. Because there is nothing left to do.

Diamonds are created under pressure. I'm not saying that I am creating something as valuable as a diamond, but it is precious to me. I am creating a diary of my experience in one of the worst times the world has ever seen. This is my story, my perspective. I urge you to express yours.

There is a Buddhist saying that sometimes you just have to chop wood and carry water. Just do your work and let the chips fall where they may. 

This will end. The question is if you are going to let a part of yourself end with it. Or will you prevail? 

That does not mean, however, not feeling bad about what is going on. Allow yourself to feel horrible. This is horrendous. This is beyond horrific. It is natural and normal to be upset, allow yourself to be upset by it. 

The only reason I say go on with your life and do your work is that all that energy that is in me right now, I’m trying to channel. I’m trying to use it. I felt terrible today, so I’m writing this. 

I’m not OK right now. And I’m OK with that. 

I ate ice cream for dinner with melted peanut butter on top last night. And I’m OK with that. 

I’m being nice to myself when I’m struggling. I’m being my own friend. 

On September 11, 2001, I never for a minute thought that I would die. Never. 

I don’t think I’m going to die from this virus either. I do however worry about my vulnerable parents and other people in my life at risk. I will say with certainty, this is worse than 911. Thousands of people died that day, but they are estimating that 100,000 people could die in the next two weeks because of this virus. 

But war is war. And in reality, nothing is fair in Love and War. This is not fair. 

I was a New Yorker in grad school, and it's true New Yorkers have grit. But so do a lot of other people, I have found. I bet you have more in you than you realize, I bet you can endure more than you ever imagined. I know I have. New York has seen it all, that's what makes that city the center of the world. I have seen a lot and I bet you have to. I've endured worse things than this. I bet you have stories to tell that would make Coronavirus look like a fairytale.

But this is not make-believe, it is a real-life nightmare. I also know you have your own demons and a past that has made you strong enough to handle this. You also know that demons live in the mind and are in fact imaginary.

It's funny because the virus called Cornovirus, is just that, a bacteria. It is almost invisible, it doesn't even have a face we can see with the naked eye. It's almost as if we made it up. Only further proof that the things that haunt us the most are unseen.

Many people have died, many more will die. This is more than real. This is beyond anyone's imagination. But even then, it isn't too much for us. We will actually get through this, just like we got through the rest of it.

New Yorkers know that. Americans know that. The Chinese know that. Indians know that. So do Italians.

The whole world will actually recover.

The question is not if, but how. How will we get through this?

So cry. Scream. Punch something. 

Then sit down and try to do something that means something to you. If it is making a painting or making a mask or making a cake, it doesn’t matter. Just do it. 

You don’t have to climb Mount Everest or invent calculus as Newton was said to have done during quarantine. But it will help you to try to keep yourself busy because you are not naturally busy during this time. 

I know that I talk a lot about being, who you are being instead of what you are doing.  And I stand by that. But sometimes you just have to do the work. Do your work, if it is yoga or basketball or math. Just do something. 

And then decide who and what you will be in all of this. The doing is just to keep you occupied until you figure that out.

Who are you in chaos, mayhem, and insanity? What will you do because of who you are?

All I know is I am still me, that girl who walked around New York City after planes flew into buildings and saw people with debris on their faces, crying in the middle of the street. That girl who became a woman the minute she wondered what would happen to the world. The moment she realized, everything was actually going to be OK, even if it wasn't.  

nina

images courtesy of Jenni Lo

I have been featured in a new blog called, Corona Chronicles, check it out here…