The Times They Are A Changin'
So when we first open up the cities, I’m assuming we are all going to be hanging out in masks and gloves. Are people going to shake hands anymore, with plastic gloves on? Perhaps it’s time for Namaste to become the new trendy greeting. Just as a translation Namaste actually means the god in me honors the god in you. It does not mean I do yoga and I know one Hindi word because of it, Karen.
And just another note to some white people who shall remain unnamed, no one speaks Hindu because Hindu is not a language. Please don’t ever ask me again to say something to you in Hindu.
But I mean if we aren’t going to go the Indian way, we could always bow to each other like they do in some cultures. I feel like there are some people I want to see bow to me. Especially certain men, who shall remain unnamed.
Not because I’m a princess. Not at all. I’m not a princess, I’m the mother-fucking queen. That’s sort of off-topic, but bringing back to the point, this queen here likes to dress up and wear lipstick. Of all the makeup items lipstick is like the original, the one that ties it all together.
Lipstick will not work with the mask. Think about the mess. You have to remove your lipstick completely every time you put on a mask or you are asking for a colorful mess. And you are not going to be hot, you are just going to be a hot mess.
Dating is going to be interesting with a mask on. How do you really know what the other person really looks like? Are you supposed to be like, ‘Can you remove the mask for a minute so I can actually see your face?’ Then when it’s time to kiss, how do you move in for the kiss with masks on. And at what point are you like, I’m willing to risk getting sick if it means I could get shagged? I’m willing to maybe even die.
Indians have forever warned against drinking out of the same glass as another person. We will literally probably never do that again as a society. Or will we forget and sink our teeth once again into other people’s food? I mean at what point am I going to risk getting sick to finish your fries if you are not going to finish your fries? At what point will I risk death for some deep-fried food that will probably kill me anyways?
Smiling will be dead. You literally will not be able to smile at people with the mask on. So someone could be sticking their tongue out at you, and you wouldn’t know. At least you can still roll your eyes at people.
And yay, no more inappropriate touching by sleazy men. If you think a man is going to get too close for comfort, just sneeze. Cough. Don’t cover your mouth. And you don’t have to hug people you don’t really want to hug just because you know them, or even sometimes when you don’t know them and they are like, ‘I’m a hugger.’ You aren’t anymore dude.
Having allergies is going to make you very unpopular. Very. That’s all I will say about that.
Will we all want to stay six feet away from each other? Isn’t that going to be weird? Have you really tried to talk to someone at length wearing a mask? It’s kind of garbled noise. We will be shouting to someone six feet away from us and trying to pronounce words properly while at the same time trying not to spit too much into the mask because that spit is going to come right back at us.
I don’t know about you, but having a wet face from my own saliva doesn’t sound like a good time. None of this sounds like a good time.
I don’t mean to be gross but one time I had to go to the bathroom in a grocery store and I only had the one pair of plastic gloves on me, so I kept my gloves on and washed my gloves on my hands after. Is that weird or is that just me?
How are singers going to sing with the mask on in public venues, if we ever have concerts again? I can barely talk with a mask on. And how will we eat in a restaurant? Will we take the mask off to eat the food? Then why even have the mask on in the first place?
It’s all a conundrum.
But it will be what it will be.
And if we don’t laugh at it then what’s the point of it all anyways?
Look on the bright side, I just ordered six designer masks. There is a new accessory in town. If we don’t do this with style, why do it at all? I’ll be looking for matching gloves next.
nina
I have been featured again in a new blog called, Corona Chronicles, check it out here…