Good Morning...

So I woke up at six this morning, I don’t usually get up this early, but something was waking me up. I’m drinking coffee and listening to what Spotify calls Spiritual Music. I already talked to my cousin who lives in Australia this morning. I don’t know what the day holds, but I’m going to hold the day. 

I meditated, but it was half-assed, my eyes were open, does that count? I couldn’t get myself to close my eyes. I took a drive to the lake this morning and watched the sunrise. I’m lucky to have the time to do these kinds of things. I’m lucky to have the time to write this…

Though I don’t know what to write, what to say…what do people say when there is nothing left to say. I feel alone sometimes. I’m an extrovert/introvert. I do love spending time alone, to a limit. But then I need to talk to someone. 

I don’t know exactly what I want to say to another person, I just want to connect. 

I’m not even sure what level I want to connect on, I just want the connection. 

Even writing this is a way of connecting with people. I know someone is reading my thoughts. 

Everyone has an internal monologue. It’s a way of talking to yourself. 

I have a lot to say to myself and therefore to other people. But sometimes even my mind gets quiet, and even the thoughts shut up. This is when I am most myself. In the silence. 

It’s very rare for there to be moments of silence in the mind, but when they happen they are enlightening. I yearn for these moments of clarity when the chatter just stops. I realize at that moment that most of my thoughts are non-sense. They have little or no value…what do I need to pick up at Walmart…what am I going to eat for dinner…where is my red shirt?

These are not stellar meaningful thoughts. Most of them are gibberish. Some people think they are their thoughts, I think the opposite, I am real when I am not thinking and just being. Sure there is a time and value to thinking, however, a lot of our unconscious thinking is like paint splatter, just making a mess everywhere.

It turns out mindfulness is not thinking, but just experiencing life. It’s not really anti-thought, and it’s not about controlling your thoughts. It’s just watching your thoughts go by as if they are on a TV, they are separate from you. You are not your thoughts, you are simply the observer of your thoughts. 

What I’m saying here has been said by many, it is a core spiritual practice, mindfulness. I experience mindfulness the most in the early mornings when it is quiet before the world has begun its chatter. 

I suppose that is what I wanted to say. Be mindful. Live in the moment. Experience the moment, don’t think it away to somewhere else. Don’t miss it. Now is the only moment that exists, and is the only moment you have. The future and past are figments of our imagination. Now is when things are real. 

What are you feeling now? 

nina