I Woke Up at Four This Morning

Me this morning

I didn’t want to wake up, but I felt like I couldn’t sleep anymore…

I woke up at four this morning, I slept for five hours. I feel like the universe or god woke me up. Why you ask, do I think this? Because the universe and god work in mysterious ways. Let me explain. 

I was hitting a wall with my depression day before yesterday. I never thought of hurting myself, but I will admit that I wondered what would happen if I died. I pictured my family and friends mourning me. I was driving home at around midnight from one of my best friend’s birthday parties and I heard this song on my Spotify. It was an old Indian song. 

I remember thinking to myself, this song is beautiful. There is beauty in this world, I thought, and I’m going to find it. And I pictured myself sitting in the seat I’m sitting in right now early in the morning hours listening to beautiful music sipping coffee, what I am doing right now. 

I went home and lay in my bed and couldn’t fall asleep. So I talked to god. “God,” I said, “Please help me. If you are ever going to help me it is right now that I need it. Wake me up at seven tomorrow and make me do meditation.” There was a guy who I was interested in who I told that I was too depressed to talk to, I asked god what I should do about him because he kind of seemed perfect. I got a feeling, and feelings are the language of the soul, I got a feeling I should pursue things with him. 

I couldn’t sleep the whole night. But something changed inside me. I started writing a blog post, I hadn’t written anything in more than six months.  I texted the guy at 7 am and told him that I changed my mind. He was elated, we are going on a date tonight. 

I took a drive to this lake by my house, talked to this same dude on the phone, and had a magnificent conversation. I picked up some breakfast from my favorite breakfast place and sipped on some more coffee. 

Then I preceded to go home and I had a three hour conversation with my mother without fighting with her even once, and if you know me and my mom, this is monumental. It was deep and meaningful and we laughed a lot.  I talked to a good friend of mine on the phone after and we decided to work together to try to find full-time jobs. She’s coming over this week. I’ve been thinking about looking for a full time job for over six months. 

The whole time me and this guy are texting and it feels amazing, the connection we have is out of this world. I start getting dizzy, this has happened once before and I finally tell my mom. She is a doctor and tells me it’s probably ear fluid from allergies and tells me to take a certain medication. The day before when I felt this dizziness I thought maybe I was dying. I didn’t tell my mom because I didn’t want to worry her because my dad is already sick. After taking the ear medication the dizziness went away. I’m so dramatic.  

How did things suddenly become so good?

It was spontaneous!

I talked to another good friend of mine and he’s helping me do some rearranging of my bedroom and he said he will come over this week and help me move furniture. And finally, one of my best friends and I texted one another and we are getting together on Saturday in the day to hang out and eat Thai food. 

I finally fall asleep around eleven and I woke up at four this morning. It is now six o’clock in the morning. When I first woke up I thanked god for yesterday. And I sincerely tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t so I got up and made coffee and here we are. 

Why am I telling you this story? I think my prayer was answered. I literally think god listened to me and answered my prayer to help me. I have never asked god for anything with the type of sincerity in which I made my request that night. When I said I wanted help, I meant it. 

Another friend of mine suggested maybe god set this up. That I was supposed to hit rock bottom and ask for help and he knew I would ask for help and he would help me. God works in mysterious ways. Maybe it wasn’t just god, maybe it was god and me and god and me are one, so it was both of us and it was just god or just me at the same time. 

I’ve never seen anything this phenomenal happen in my life before. A prayer was answered in that ask and you shall receive kind of way that they always preach about. 

I’m here to tell you god is real and she is good. 

I’m here to tell you that if you ask god for help with your truest of heart he is listening. 

I’m here to tell you that this past year has been the worst year of my life and I’m here to tell you I have spontaneously healed from the grace of god. 

I don’t use phrases like ‘the grace of god.’ That sounds so religious to me and I’m not religious. But to me this is not about religion, it’s about spirituality. This guy that I mentioned that I met is spiritual. I have been looking for a spiritual man my entire life. 

Whether or not it works out between us, this is the beginning of something for me. 

I’m here to tell you miracles are real. 

A miracle happened in my life. 

And I keep thanking god. 

Thank you for listening to my story. 

nina