What's The Point of it All?

Why are we here? Why are we alive? To love. I was shown this love last night.

I had mentioned in my previous post that I had a date with a guy I thought was perfect for me. Well he walked out in the middle of the date and drove home. My best friend texted me around the time he walked out and I thought he went outside to make a phone call for work, she mentioned to me that it was weird that he would get a phone call at 10 o’clock at night. He then texted me that the call was going to take too long and he was just going to head home. 

Me and my bestie talked  on the phone and she talked me off the ledge of feeling rejected. He wasn’t worth it. No one is worth feeling bad about yourself. So my friend stayed on the phone with me for a couple of hours and we analyzed every inch of the situation and figured out that he was a dick. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. 

This guy liked me, he didn’t like that I wasn’t going to have sex with him on the first date. So he left. 

Did I like him? Kind of. We didn’t have that much to talk about, the conversation was stilted and didn’t flow. If you know me, I can have a conversation with a lamppost, he just didn’t have much to say. We didn’t have the chemistry to be able to really talk. And I really don’t like that he expected me to sleep with him on the first date. 

So in the end, he did me a favor by ending it, as my friend pointed out to me. The point I was trying to make about love is that love comes in all forms. Friendship is just as important as romantic love. Let’s normalize the idea that friendship is a love that is just as important as romantic relationships. 

My friend and I have been friends for over thirty years. We have seen each other through so many ups and downs and we have laughed so hard we can’t breathe together. We have cried, we have fought, we have analzyed every aspect of life. 

That is love. 

I may not have a significant other at the moment, but I don’t lack in love. I have some close friends who I love like sisters and brothers. I have a family who I love fiercely. Before I went out on this date, my mom said to me, “Don’t be nervous, you are smarter than him, you are beautiful.” 

That is love. 

Love is beautiful, in all its forms. I still do want to find romantic love, but it doesn’t always just fall in your lap, it takes some time to find. But there is no lack of love in my life. 

I think the point of life is to love. That is it. That is the meaning to me. 

Me Understanding myself

Me Loving Myself

Love takes so many forms. Sure I want to love of a good man, and maybe children one day. I am too old to birth children but there are other ways to get kids. I’m not too old to raise a child. 

I’m 46 years old, society thinks I’m late in getting these things like a husband and child. I have my reasons for why I have waited, some of the reasons are because I had some difficulties along the way in life, some of them are intentional. Whatever the reasons, I’ve still had a lot of love in my life. 

But the final love that I have to develop more, and learn to really understand is the love I have and need to build for myself. I cannot truly love others if I don’t really love myself. I do love myself, but I could work on loving myself more. 

How does one love oneself more? One loves oneself my realizing that one is worthy of said love. I would like to think that I am a beautiful person and I am worthy of love. There are moments when I believe this. There are moments when I think badly of myself and only think of my faults of which I have so many. But everyone has weaknesses and I love these other people with weaknesses. 

I can love myself. 

I will love myself. 

I do love myself. 

The point of this whole dance we are doing in life is loving. Loving each other and oneself. 

And loving life. 

Maybe even loving the universe and god. 

Love really is all there is. 

I love that fact. 

nina