Love Will Win the World War...And the War Within Ourselves

Sometimes it is hard

To know the difference between love and fear.

For a long time, I thought I had to do something monumental with my life. Like, write some bestselling books that will transform people’s lives. I’ve recently understood something, I only have one life to transform, and that is my own. I’ve fallen into a depression for some time now and I have been there before. I feel like me writing about this is the first step into my healing process. I will heal from this and maybe one person will read my story and it will somehow help them cope with their own. 

There is so much in this world that I want to do and so much I want to say. But I also need to heal myself. My depression has been circumstantial at this point with some personal issues that I’ve had that I would rather not mention because they involve other people that I don’t need to publicly name or reveal their private stories. 

The circumstances that have led me to this depression are not important. What’s important is that I’m ready to change my state of mind. Before I can change my circumstances I must change my mind. I have decided that I deserve to be well. 

I know I’m serious about becoming well because I’m writing again, and writing has been my savior for a long time. Writing and meditation have saved me in the past and I know it can help to get over this difficult period in my life. 

It’s hard to tell the world, I am depressed. There are so many stigmas, there is the worry that people will feel sorry for me. But the more I talk to people, many people have gone through periods of depression.

I will not lie, there have been some dark moments. Some moments filled with pure anxiety. But in the midst of that, I have good friends in which I have laughed so hard I can’t breathe. And through it all my friends and family have been there for me. It has been an opportunity for me to see how much I am loved. 

And I think love is all there is in the end of all this. I think we came here to love, and the tough times are an opportunity for us to show our love to each other. My father has been ill for a while now and I’m his caretaker for the most part, although we do have caregivers. 

This is hard. 

It is hard for me to see him sick. It’s hard to care for someone you love and see them suffer. But suffering is also just a state of mind. I’m suffering because I think what is happening is bad. But what if instead I just thought it is what it is. It is an opportunity for me to do some seva, or service. In my religion, Sikhism, there are two main ways to salvation: service and remembering god, seva and simran.  

I’m trying to serve my father the best I can and I am trying to remember that god and I are not separate. It is hard to remember, remember that I am a part of god. Mostly that god is my friend, and the real way to communicate with god is through gratitude. 

So thank you god for giving me this opportunity to serve my father and show him my love. I wish I could do more, and thank you fo rmaking me understand that I have to take care of myself if I wish to take care of someone else. 

I’ve read that bad things happen in our lives so that we have an opportunity to show our love to one another. Things as horrible as war, as we are seeing right now. I’m not trying to glorify suffering, suffering is an unnecessary and unhealthy part of life, but it is a part of life. When I watch the war in Ukrain on television all I see are stories of strong survivors and people giving their lives to help others. 

War inside ourselves and war with others

Will only stop when we see others as ourselves.

I don’t believe in war, but it also just is. And if it is, then we must take the best of it. The best part of this war that we are seeing right now is that there are those who are doing service for others out of pure love. Love for each other. Love for humanity. 

I was talking my friend today about whether or not the world is ending. In Sikh and Hindu philosophy there are four ages and we are in the last age, the kal yug, or the age of darkness. But after the age of darkness, the age of truth starts again. 

It kind of feels like this is the end times or something like that with wars and the environment collapsing. But I always think in the next age, after the dark age, the age for truth, or sat yug starts again. In sat yug, people live in peace. 

But let’s face the fact that we are in the kal yug or the age of darkness right now. What do we do with that? I think in the darkness we become the light. I want to be a light. Darkness is an opportunity to shine our light. Pain is an opportunity for us to show our love.  

I will get over this, you will get over whatever it is you are going through and we shall survive. This too shall pass. 

When I’m lying on my death bed, will I know that I did the best I could to express my love for others? Did I notice when people showed their love for me? Because it’s true that the only real feeling is love. Whether it be in world wars or our personal war within ourselves. There are only two real feelings in the world, fear or love, and I want to choose love every time. I am afraid to write this, to share this, to expose myself. 

But I love to express myself, so love must win. 

So it will be. 

nina