My Rant...

I don’t know what to say here sometimes. What is there to say? How am I an authority on anything? Why should you read this? Why are you listening to me rant?

What am I ranting about today is the real question. 

I’m ranting about how bored I am because I don’t have a full-time job. I need to work more. I need to have something to do. 

I have time to write, which is good. But I have too much time. 

I am also a caregiver for my dad which takes up a lot of time, but not enough time. 

I call my sister and friends who are working full-time at work and I think I drive them crazy because I have all this free time. 

I want to do something that I love, or rather I want to be something that I love. Who am I being when I’m doing what I love? I love writing and I love teaching. I don’t know that I really love anything else. But who am I when I’m writing or teaching, that’s the real question? 

Who am I in general? What is my purpose?

The sun just came out from the clouds, I think part of my purpose in life is to see that. Part of my purpose in life is to notice life.

I want to write my life away and teach it to others. But what do I want to write about and what do I want to teach?   

I want to write about happiness, how to attain it and make it last. I want to teach that as well. First I have to learn about happiness. 

Am I happy? Kind of. I’m not happy enough. I’m a little restless and discontent sometimes. 

But there is a part of me that is truly happy. Happy that I am not depressed right now. Happy when I look out the window at the squirrels running up the trees and hear the birds chirping. It’s snowing right now and even that is beautiful in March. 

But I want things in life. I want a romantic partner, I don’t want to be alone forever. I want to find work that is meaningful and lucrative. And I want to dance, dance with life. I am going to start dancing as exercise again. 

I want to dance away all of the pain that life gives me. I want to meditate it away. I want to write it away and teach it away. 

This is what I have to say. 

So this is my rant today. 

nina