My Status

So there have been some good developments in my home. My parents offered to pay me to do the caregiving, which is excellent. Then I can work on freelance writing from home and I’m good. I still have time to work on my other writing as well. 

It seems as though my depression is gone, hopefully for the long haul. I feel strong and steady, not even hypomanic. This is great. 

What have I learned through my two years of depression? Life is hard. 

Very hard.

But it is also good, that’s what I’m learning now. I’m actually happy right now. I thank god and all the good people in my life for that. 

If your life is hard right now, I understand. I feel you. I will sit with you through it. 

I’m still a little tired, there’s a lot going on. But I’m glad I can write about it, it’s cathartic for me. 

Life is actually beautiful. I went to orchard lake this morning and the sun on the water was to die for. Now I’m just sitting in my basement apartment listening to music and writing. I can’t sit outside because it’s raining a bit.

Someone told me that my blog is very grammatically incorrect. I’m sorry about that but I still think grammar is a tool used by white people to oppress the masses. There’s a place for standard English, but this blog is conversational, and I stand by that. 

I’ve never been good at grammar, but the more inspired I am, my writing professor at Columbia told me my grammar is better. I use Grammarly now to help me. But apparently, it’s not enough. But this is stream of consciousness a lot of the time. Grammar rules go by the wayside in that style. 

I know my writing has flaws, as do I. But that is part of life as well. 

The best writing professor I ever had was an elderly white gay man from England at Columbia University. He was the only one who understood my writing. He inspired me and made my writing better with his comments. I wrote him a letter when I was hospitalized for Bipolar Disorder many years ago, he understood because I wrote about my Manic Depression. He knew and understood and struggled with depression himself.

It’s very common among writers, all the writers in my graduate class were crazy. But I loved them and had a blast in New York City, even after 911 happened. We had so much fun and they were so interesting and talented.

I wish I knew more writers and artists in my area, maybe I should start a meetup or something. I think I will do that. I love showing my work to other writers.

I miss my community. I have to start a new one.

nina