What Language Do You Dream In?

I use this app called Grammarly that checks all my grammar and for a moment it wasn't working. I'm a hot mess when it comes to grammar and spelling. Even though I have a Master's in Writing and I teach college kids how to write, I still struggle with the English language. Even though I am supposed to be an expert in this language I find it a difficult language to use.There are many much simpler languages that are phonetic, like Spanish or even Hindi. Phonetic means that the words sound exactly like the letters that are represented in the words. This is not true of English. Phone starts with a P. What is up with that? I understand the language has evolved from other languages, but there should be some standards.I was teaching English to a Mexican woman recently and she would often ask me about a grammar rule, 'Why?' she would ask, and I would have to say that that is just the way it is. I have no answer as to why certain things in English grammar are true.The whole world has switched to English because the biggest powers in the world speak English. But if we had a chance to choose what would be the international language of people, would we consciously choose English? I love using this language, obviously because I am a writer. But English lacks a certain musical quality and cadence that many other languages have.I feel like when I hear things in other languages it's more poetic and pleasing to the ear. There is something straightforward and stark about the English language. It's almost like it's cold or something. It feels more removed from emotion than many other languages.It may be that I romanticize other languages because I don't speak them or write in them. They sound great to me because I have no idea what anything means. I do understand Hindi and Punjabi somewhat. When I hear things said in Indian languages I feel a rhythm, a way in which the words have a melody to them.I think my love of Indian languages comes from the fact that I was raised with my parents speaking Hindi, Punjabi, and English. We sometimes call this Hinglish. I was told that my mother used to sing me old Hindi songs when I was in the womb. I think this had a great effect on me because I now listen to old Hindi songs for fun.I think the language feels like home to me like the fetal position sometimes feels when I sleep. Perhaps we are all just children still stuck in the womb. I just like the sound of Hindi better than the sound of English. But the irony is I have no idea how to write in Hindi. The only language I am comfortable writing, talking, and thinking in is English.I wonder if I would be a different person if I thought in Hindi. Would I then be thinking like an Indian person? Would my thoughts be different? I feel like it would change something huge inside me. I would actually like to learn how to read and write Hindi, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.My first language was actually Punjabi because when I was three or four I stayed in India with my grandparents. Perhaps that fact changed my perception of language. Maybe that is why I think Indian languages are so beautiful. Sometimes I feel almost trapped because I conceive of the world only through English.But the reality is, I'm not a Caucasian person. Why does this matter? Because my genetic and ethnic roots are Indian, maybe I would be more my authentic self if I learned to communicate in Hindi or Punjabi. I took Punjabi in college, but it's interesting to me how easily the mind can forget a language. I know the basics to speak and listen, but I barely remember how to write the alphabet.That is my fault for not valuing it and keeping up with it. I wonder if I would be a better person if I truly learned another language. I feel like I would be more multi-dimensional. They say that kids who are bilingual are more intelligent and do better in school than kids who are not.There is something activated in the brain when you learn more than one language. I want to be smarter and better and understand more of the world. I guess I am particularly interested in India because of my heritage. I want to be more cosmopolitan and more human, I think it would help if I had an international view on the world.So perhaps I will make it a priority to learn Hindi soon. I have so many other goals at the moment that it might be on the back burner, but it's there. I think there is something that I am searching for as a writer in language that I might find if I learn a new language. Particularly one that has so much meaning in my life.nina