The Patient Sikh: Part Eighteen--The Talk

This an excerpt from a novel in progress and a work of fiction.

"So Sonny is just ignoring me now," I said to Sarita as we ate mushy pasta in the dorm cafeteria.

"So ignore him," she said and took a bite of even mushier broccoli.

"This is not a game," I sighed.

"Oh but it is," Sarita continued. "For him it is. So you have to play."

"I don't like games," I said and shook my head.

"You have to act as if you don't care, that's the only way you'll get his attention," Sarita smiled.

"I don't know," I said and took a sip of water. "I don't know what's happening or what to do. Why is this happening? I knew I could never find love or find a boyfriend. I knew it would never work out for me. I think something may actually be wrong with me. What? I’m not sure,” I said and stared at the stale food. The brown and white carpet on the floor was screaming at me for some reason.

“Nothing is wrong with you, something is wrong with him.He’s an asshole, that’s what’s wrong,” Sarita stated very emphatically. Hernostrils flared.

“I know, but I love this asshole,” I said and stared at hersadly. She licked some marinara sauce off her lips.

“Love? How do you even know that you love him?” she askedlooking annoyed.

“I just know,” I answered.

“You do not. Do not even tell me you know what love is.” I lookedat a dude sitting at a table next to us wearing a navy blue baseball cap. Helooked like he didn’t believe in love either.

“I mean I’m not sure, but I know what I feel…” I trailedoff.

“I don’t think I’m capable of love. I’m not even sure if Ibelieve there is such a thing,” Sarita said and looked kind of pissed at me.Her nostrils continued to flare.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I wondered if the dude with thehat could hear us.

“I mean how do you know there is even such a thing as love?Can you prove it?”

“You don’t believe in love? Then what are people singingabout all the time and making movies and writing books about?” I asked staringstraight at her. The curls in her hair were tight.

“I think they are making it up. I think we want to thinkthere is such a thing as love because it makes us feel good,” she said andshook her head.

“You’re wrong, love is real. It may be the only real thing. I love you,” I said and smiled at her. The boy with the hat had to hear this!

“Don’t make me puke,” she laughed.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” I went on.

“If love exists, I don’t think I’m capable of love, likeromantic love,” she said very solemnly.

“Why, why would you think that?”

“Because I just don’t think I have the capacity to feel thatanymore.”

“Did you love Rahul?” I asked her. Rahul was the first guyshe ever had a thing with.

“I don’t know, but he was an ass too. They’re all assholes,”she sighed.

“Maybe we should become lesbians,” I said.

“You idiot, you don’t just become a lesbian, you either areone or you’re not. And anyways, I could not handle the emotions of a crazygirl!”

“That’s true, I have to be the crazy one in therelationship.”

“You are the crazy one in any relationship, don’t worryabout that,” she smiled. “Don’t you dare call him,” she said very firmly.

“I won’t,” I sighed again.

“I don’t believe you,” she said and looked at mesuspiciously.

“Do you think I’m needy and pathetic?”

“You mean generally speaking?” she asked and laughed.

“No, I’m serious, do you think I’m desperate?”

“Honestly?” she asked looking at me curiously. “Yeah I thinkyou are a little desperate.”

“I am aren’t I?”

“Well I mean you want this too much. You need to let it be alittle bit. Let him come to you,” she said and looked out the window as the sunwas shining through it.

“I’m afraid he never will,” I declared and closed my eyes. Itried to imagine a world without Sonny. I could not. I could not see my lifewithout him.

nina

If you would like to read the beginning of this novel in progress, The Patient Sikh, visit the following links in chronological order:

The Patient Sikh: Part One

The Patient Sikh: Part Two–The Wonder Years

The Patient Sikh: Part Three–Sonny

The Patient Sikh: Part Four–Song Lyrics

The Patient Sikh: Part Five–Your Song

The Patient Sikh: Part Six–Coffee Talk

The Patient Sikh: Part Seven--Chocolate Covered Love

The Patient Sikh: Part Eight--Kiss And Tell

The Patient Sikh: Part Nine--Street Chess