How You Doin?
“The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow,” --Tony Schwartz
Do you ever want to just assess how you are doing as a human being? I mean if you were to give yourself a score from 1 to 10, ten being ideal, what would you give yourself at this very moment? On first thought, I would give myself a 7. That’s the score that comes to mind immediately.
I’m doing really well, better than I have done in ages or maybe even ever. But I could still do better. How? I could get less angry, I could be more responsible, I could have more patience. I could also focus more on my writing.
Like at this moment, I could stop texting and going on Facebook, and just focus. I have started to shop less, but I still have a problem with buying too much. I still haven’t started yoga or strength training. I did, however, open a savings account and I put in 25 percent of my check and have it automatically deduct 25 percent of all my checks. So there’s good news as well.
The truth about me is that I’ve never been this highly functional and productive. I’ve never been this content before either. I have been ‘happier’ but those were usually circumstantial things that passed. This feeling of peace seems like it can last. Here’s praying that it does. The reason I think this kind of ‘happiness’ can last is that it’s not caused by outward events, rather by an inward state of mind.
And as spiritual as I am, I am not enlightened as far as I know. I would know, right? That’s a goal to work towards.
7 is a good score. I would marry a 7. 7 is pretty solid.
What would make me a 10 though? I’d have to up my game some more. I wonder what steps I could take to really be a 10?
First of all, for the love of god and all the apostles, I have to stop shopping. I buy cheap stuff but too much of it. I need to put an end to this insanity. I also need to slow my roll on the devices and focus on my work. I think I might buy some small weights so I can do strength training at home. I could just turn on a yoga youtube video and go.
As for my emotional states such as anger and patience, I need to be more mindful. Nothing is going to last forever, even the horrible thing that is making me angry. I need to have patience and wait for the good to arrive, it is always there, waiting for me.
Besides that, I could find joy in the small things, the little moments. It’s nice that I am at work and this kid just needs a place to work and doesn’t need my help so I can write. I am very lucky for that. I’m actually getting paid to do my own writing. You can’t beat that. That is something to be happy about.
I went down another size in jeans, that is awesome. I feel great. All in all, I feel pretty and stylish and cool. That is something to feel joy about.
The world has not ended despite the fact that the worst person that could possibly run this country is the leader. We still have a few more minutes before we completely and irreversibly destroy the environment. It’s time for a revolution and I’m ready. That makes me happy.
Small tulips blooming in the spring gives me great pleasure. I love my friends, they are like family to me, I don’t know what I would do without them. I’m lucky I’m not alone.
I have a wonderful family as well, despite its dysfunctional elements. However, I’ve never encountered a completely functional family. And my sister and I are getting closer lately and it feels amazing. I think the people at my work are happy with my performance and that is why they are giving me more hours. That’s good news.
There is more good news than bad news. There is more good about nina than there is bad to report. I am good.
Finally, I am starting to love myself. I don’t know when I will actually fully be in love with myself but I’ll let you know if I find out. To love yourself is not to be egotistical, it is the very opposite. When you truly love yourself you are humbled. Humbled by our tiny selves in this great, expansive universe.
Life is good and I am doing alright.
It’s good to check in.
nina