The Patient Sikh: Part Twenty-Five--Acting

This an excerpt from a novel in progress and a work of fiction.

So Sonny, let me ask you this, is your family as screwed up as mine? I mean the thing is, they are great people, but they have no idea what they are doing. I stared at my mother as she put more subjee on my plate. It annoyed me because I didn’t want anymore and can’t everyone tell I’ve put on five pounds?

My dad is drinking something, I can’t really tell what it is, but I know it’s some form of liquor. My mom doesn’t even say anything anymore, it’s not worth the fight I guess. Sonny, does your dad drink? Does your mom act passive aggressive towards him? I watched as my mom threw some more food on my dad’s plate, she didn’t look happy. He didn’t seem to notice.

He doesn’t notice much lately. It’s like he can’t see or something, the world just whizzes past him and he is in a drunken stupor. My sister Sonia is currently bringing her boyfriend into the walk-out basement. I wonder if she’s had sex with him yet. Am I the only virgin in this family? My parents have no idea.

Sonia still looked the same, same bratty face, her hair in a bun. She didn’t cut her hair either. We are Sikh and in our religion, we are not supposed to cut our hair. Surprisingly me and my sister are still following that rule. I assume she will rebel before I will.

Ravi is the only one missing from this table. He cut his hair and took off his turban years ago. I miss him, but I understand why he has to travel the world and leave us, it’s too hard to be here. Even on these infrequent weekends, I feel the dysfunctional nature of this little family. Sonny, what does it mean to function?

We are sitting in front of the T.V. watching an Indian movie, Silsila, one of our favorites. Sonia is upstairs in her room, doing god knows what. Probably talking to her boyfriend on the phone. My dad is dozing off, or more accurately he is blacking out. My mother is very engaged in the film, she is like a kid when she watches T.V., she is like mesmerized or something.

As I saw my dad with his eyes closed on the maroon reclining chair, it occurred to me that I come from a damaged home. My father is an alcoholic. He wasn’t always this way. He always drank, but not this much. He used to have a personality and a job.

After he lost his medical license after the malpractice suit, he’s been spending most of his days sitting in that chair. I want to throw away that Lazy-Boy chair and I want him to stand up. Sonny, do you understand what I’m saying? I want him back. I want him to be my dad again. I miss him.

My mother is oblivious to my father’s current state, probably because she’s so used to it. That makes me sad, Sonny. What am I supposed to do with these people? I love them, Sonny, I really do, but I can’t spend a lot of time with them without getting depressed.

And I love you, sometimes, kind of, and I don't know what to do with you.

It makes me sad to even think about this all. How did this become our life? Dad, how did you get like this? You are so smart, a Cardiologist for god’s sake. You were one of the best Cardiologists at your hospital. You were amazing and funny, and I love you. Please come back.

The thing is Sonny, sometimes I don’t want this life. I want you to save me from all this the way that Amitabh Bachchan saves Rekha in Silsila. I wish I was as pretty as Rekha. Although the movie is a little screwed up, but still, so are we. So are our lives. I looked over at my parents. My mother glued to the screen as they walk through a path of yellow flowers, and my father is snoring. Sonny is this what life is going to be like when we get older? I don’t want this, I don’t want to grow up.

But anyways, Sonny, do you want to like skip marriage. Do you know any married people who are actually happy? Let’s just be free, we can travel the world. My brother Ravi does it all the time and he says it is everything. I can’t live like this. This can’t be my life.

Sonny, do you think we can run away, like now? I don’t know if I even love you or what, but I need an escape. I choose you. It’s fun hooking up with you. I know. I know you are using me. But surprisingly, I don’t care. Maybe I want to be used. You know that song, “Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you.”

Does that make me pathetic? I don’t even care. I just want a life that is other than what is going on in this living room right now. Sonny, I want to dream, I want to fly. Remember that show, Fame? “I’m gonna live forever, I’m gonna learn how to fly!”

My parents never let me watch that show as a kid, I had to do it in secret. They thought it was too sexy or something. It was, and I loved every minute of it. They thought the same thing about The Love Boat, another one of my favorite shows as a kid.

I’m such a stupid romantic, I’ve always been. When I was little I obsessively watched soap operas, when I was too young to even understand what sex was. My parents were never home so they never knew. I occasionally watch them now but I know that life is more complicated than a T.V. show and those shows were complicated.

I think I just really want to be on a show, like an actress. I haven’t tried out for any plays because I can’t sing. I just want to act and most of them are musicals. I was thinking about becoming an extra on a film set or something, but I don’t know. My parents have no idea I want to be a star.

Sonny, did you know that about me? You can sing and I secretly think I can act. I haven’t told anyone because, honestly, I’m embarrassed. I should have real career aspirations. When my dad was different, he used to tell me I could pick from like four or five professions like doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc. When I was in eighth grade I told him I wanted to be a psychologist and he got really mad. He told me that there was no way that was happening. Then I talked to my suicidal friend and could not handle her sadness.

Dad, what would you say about becoming an actress? Well, guess what Daddy. You have no say in anything anymore. You won’t listen to me and stop drinking, so I won’t listen to you and get a sensible career.

That’s right, I’ll ruin my life just to spite you.

What do you think of that, Sonny?

nina

If you would like to read the beginning of this novel in progress, The Patient Sikh, visit the following links in chronological order:

The Patient Sikh: Part One

The Patient Sikh: Part Two–The Wonder Years

The Patient Sikh: Part Three–Sonny

The Patient Sikh: Part Four–Song Lyrics

The Patient Sikh: Part Five–Your Song

The Patient Sikh: Part Six–Coffee Talk

The Patient Sikh: Part Seven–Chocolate Covered Love

The Patient Sikh: Part Eight–Kiss And Tell